scars in heart~

read an e-mail which forwarded by lynda , it's a very meaningful story..

it makes me wondering everyone of us have scars in our heart, yea.. i.e. scars of a painful past, some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. but of course, i would say that time can heal some wounds, but can time really cure a scar in our deep deep heart? can people outside there can really accept our scars of past with open heart? people out there never know how a person gone though their past, and never know the pain of having those scars in heart. but how dare are them simply judge on another person's scars? :-( it's kinda sad to realize it..

it's mentioned in the said e-mail that some wounds are because God refused to let go, so that in the midst of our struggle, he can been there holding on to us. isn't true? i dont know.. i really dont know.. but i knew that i trust him, and i knew that he loves me, i am a child of God. if there is the only way for me to gone through .. then i will choose to obey to him. :-)

i used to remind myself with this quote, share with y'all today ~
“Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become.”

.

weird nightmare!!!!

I just have a weird nightmare!! i don't know what the crap i was thinking about before i went to bed but I woke up drenched in sweat just now, i was slept at 10.15pm, but awake at 1.30am, i think i was dreamed within these 3 hours, and i feel like i barely slept at all.

I can't explain it with words, it was so horrible, so vivid, so real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!it took me at least 30 minutes to realize that it was just a dream, and shake off the anxiety from my mind.

How can my mind cook up such horrible negative stuff?
But thanks God, at least it was only a nightmare...

i gonna back to sleep again.. good night everyone.. *hugz*


.

seriously...

I'm pretty upset right now, actually.

I feel like something's wrong between one of my best friends and I.

I feel like I'm being pushed out of her life.

I know that she's gone/going through a hard time right now..

But I want her to see that I'm there for her.

But all I seem to be getting is vague and distant answers.

it sort of makes me think..

What am I to her?

I'm probably insanely emotional or something.

I don't know.

I feel like a stranger.

Like I'm watching her life from the outside.

God. Guide me.

Anyways,

On the subject of friends,

Getting to know long-term acquaintances better than keep making new friends,

Strengthening friendships for me is important!!

i cherished you, my sweety..

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check it out!!!

yea.. i FINALLY have something new up on my blog!!! please let me know what you guys think.


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truly blessed by 50 friends~

yea.. thanks for the all the text sms or phone called during my birthday. check out your name below whether you are on my #top 10# ranking?


Vui Tshin~
yea.. you are always the 1st to greet me happy birthday every year, thanks for your effort on our friendship, dude, thanks for brigthen me when i was down, thanks for being my friend for more than 14 years ~ i got a sense that we can be foRever fRiend.. cheers!!


Su Nye~
gal, thanks for your blessing and present. we used to be so closed during high school, but i need to admit that there's an invisible wall in between us after we growth up, which i know that we couldn't get each other mind, but i promise wil try my very best to get through it, i knew that we both appreciated our friendship and memories we shared, sincerely wish you happy. *hugz*


Tze Vui~
thanks for your blessing my sweety *hugz* it's really surprised me that you are the 3rd person to greet me!! and you are the the one who call me at 1201am sharp.. lol. *smile*


Andrew~
thanks for kept your promised to me, i'll put you in the bottom of my heart. this is the my *promise* to you. thanks for being a part of my life, thanks for your sincerity blessings and present. thousand of sorry my dear, it's a pain for me to realize that i'd let go everything in finally.. *hugz*


Jackson~
wow, surprised surprised surprised!!!!! i never expect your call .. knew you more than 15 years, but this is the 1st time that u say "happy birthday" to me and you are the 5th person to greet me. i couldn't believe it till now, bet that 'someone' remind you about my birthday, right?if you greet me 15 years ago, or even 7 years ago, i bet that i wil cry like heck!!!! i was expected your blessing since i was very young, but you always skip me!!!! lol. anyway, thanks dude. *smile*


Nicholas~
thanks for your arrangment for my birthday, thanks for your blessings, thanks for being a part of my life, i'll try my best to live life to the fullest.. *hugz* i wont make any apologise to you even i knew that my words might hurt you.. i bet you know that. but dear, i wish to let you know that i'd forgive everything about the past and i'd set myself free finally, kinda pain to realize about it.. anyway, life goes on, please do take care and be happy too.


James~
yea.. thanks for your birthday cake and your blessings, it's kinda surprised for me and thanks again for the arrangement. even that i knew you not that long, but i always feel touching with your gentle and sincerity heart. you seems an angel for me. don worry about me, ok? i'll try my best to be happy.. *promise*


Ling~
even that you're not here, but there is not much different my sweety, because you are always in my mind!!!! *hugz* good luck to your exam and i'm waiting for you to come back!!! i gotta give you a big hug!!!


Dovern~
*hugz* thanks for accompanied me, honestly, you've saved me from dillemma. bet you get it what i mean.. lol. i'll put my appreciation in the bottom of my heart.


CauMei~
yea.. your blessings sms still in my top 10 ranking, totally under my prediction, hahhaa.. thanks for your sms, thanks for still remember my birthday.i wish to let you know that, no matter wat happen to you, i'm always here. i appreciated our friendship, you'd get my heart, my passionate, my trust and my loyalty friendship.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


who are in my 11th - 20th ranking?


Kim~
yea.. thanks dear, thanks for your blessing, thanks for your effort on our friendship, thanks for treated me so well, you are the 11th person to called me, especially you called from so far, i am happy that you are coming to visit me soon. you are angel without wing which sent by Father God to me. *hugz*


Gabe~
hey dear.. thanks for your called.. i bet that you are with Kim last night and believe that kim reminded you about my birthday.. don deny!!! i never believe that you remember my birthday!!!! LoL.... *hugz* miss you heaps.


Rita~
chick, i miss you... gotta give you a bih hugz in real when you are here!!! thanks for your blessings during my birthday, thanks for being my chicks when my time there!! thanks for brighten me when i am not in a right mode. i love you, chick!!


Melinda~
mel, i never expect that you called me... lol.. know that u busy with 'someone' recently... lol. anyway, thanks heaps chick..


Donna~
Donna!!!!!!!!! thanks for remembered my birthday!! it's a lots to me!! i memorize back the time we struggled in KHP... thanks for still keep in touch with me even that we are not work together now, thanks for being my friend.. take care always.


Siew Juan~
thanks for your blessings, my dear. knew you for so long but we seldom have chance to hang out and even drink together, thanks for be one of my reader, know you must feel hard to leave kk, i guess i can know your roughly know your feeling, please take good care of yourself in UK, and do keep in touch always, you're always welcome back my dear. *hugz*


Lynda~
moi, thank you so much for your blessings, thank you so much with your caring, dont worry about me ok? i wil try my best to through my life with thanksgiving heart. was so busy yesterday, we arrange for lunch or dinner next week, ok?


Esther~
gal, even that i only met you once, but thanks for remember my birthday and thanks for the blessings. do keep in touch with me. *hugz*


Phei Ling~
thanks for everything.. thanks for the birthday cake and the present, thanks for being my JihMui, thanks for being a part of my life, i cherished our friendship, and i'm sure that we gotta be forever friend til the end of our life. i love you.


Fiona
even that i knew you not that long, but thanks for your blessings, thanks for offered youself to be my companion for dinner when i'm alone.. i appreciated your efforts and companion. gotta give you a big hug *hugz*


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


who else in my 21th-30th ranking?


Valerie~
val, thanks for your blessings. let's go party again some other time ya.. :P


Jennifer~
jenn, my chick,, thanks for your e-mail especially the poem, its really makes me memorize back our precious time in glasgow, i miss yo, lady *hugz* thanks for your blessings and supported.


Tze Ling~
gal, thanks for your blessings, feel great to hear from you *smile*


Anne~
wow.. so surprised to received ur sms. it's really out of my prediction, my dear. thanks heaps.


Edward~
wahwahwah.... i am really surprised dude, thought you forgot who is CONNIE!!!!!!! thought that you forgot my birthday. kinda sad this year my celebration without you. LoL.


Lee Na~
i gonna give you a big hug once imeet you again. knew you since we are kids.. in church sunday school hor? i think more than 20 years!!!!!!! my precious friend. so great that u never missed my birthday.. i love you, dear. u are my cherishable and forever friend for sure.


Nicole~
thanks dear for still remembered my birthday. thanks for still keep in touch with me even that we are not colleague for now. thanks for your efforts for maintain our friendship. *cheers*


Chwan~
chwan.. thanks for your blessings..thanks for your caring and efforts my dear friend. wish you get well soon ya.. !!!


Stephen~
dude, thanks for your blessing. take good care and im sure everything gonna be alright soon. *hugz*


Small Charles~
never expect get any blessings from you, boy. that why when i got your blessings, really makes me happy. thanks heaps.


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who else is my 31th - 40th ranking?


Victoria~
hmhmmm... thought you forgot my birthday!!!.. LoL.. feel great that u still remembered it at last. thanks gal. *hugz* thanks for your blessed, and your efforts to mantain our friendship. thanks for those memories we had shared together when my time in hsbc. i cherished you, my friend.


WanWan~
you seems so busy recently, glad that you still remember my birthday. thanks my dear.


Vy Vy~
vy vy.. thanks my little angel.. u are my 8po chai.. and always makes me laugh with your words. really touching that u planned to spent me to pizza hut or KFC.. it's mean a lots to me, this is the rewards of my love? LoL.... *hugz*


Shirley, kch ~
shirley, thanks for your sms. i really toucing as you still remember my birthday, thanks for your blessings, thanks for your efforts of maintain friendship with me even that we just gathered in the training course about one week. please do take care and keep in touch always.


Jita ~
dude, thanks for your birthday song and blessings!!!! thanks yea..


Shirley Wong ~
thanks for your message, my dear. huggies wuggies for you. please arrange time and we gotta meet, you have missed out a lot of my story!!!! LOL.


DiDi ~
yea... thanks for your blessing from so far,, really felt good with that. miss yu heaps. take good care there and study hard ya!!


Elaiza ~
thought of you forgot my birthday.. luckily u still remember. lol. thanks dear.. thanks for being a part of my life. your sms means a lot to me!!


Yun Hin ~
hey. i think i know you for almost 27 years.. haha.. thanks for everything, thanks for makes me know about Jesus in my life, i appreciated you as my friend. i remembered every words you taught during church sunda school till now. thanks for remembered my birthday and your blessings.


Vivian ~
gal, totally out of my prediction, never thought of received message from you, thanks gal. *hugz*


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



who is the last 10 persons in my ranking?



Fook~
thanks dear for remembered my birthday, i think if you not my best friend, who else can consider as my best friend.. *hugz*


Kenny~
chatted with you in msn the whole morning, but you only realized my birthday and sent sms to me in the afternoon.. thanks dude, thanks for your blessings.


Priscilla~
pris, we had never got chance to have a drink together after the 1st met with you. thanks for your friendship and treated me so nice. thanks for your blessing as well. *hugz*


Yusni~
moi!!!!! thanks for remembered my birthday, thanks for your blessings!!! i am surprised when you called me, it's mean a lots to me!! i miss the time when we worked together in hsbc last time.. do keep in touch always ya.


Chelwin~
gal, thanks for your message, felt warm with those wordings. and yea.. i'd a great and warm dinner on my birthday night with my friend. thanks for your blessings *hugz*


Jovita~
jojo, never expected that you remember my birthday.. haha!! thanks for the message ya. v arrange a time to meet up .. promise!!


Alan ~
dude, thanks for your blessings. lol.wish you all the best too.


Nana ~
gal, thanks for your sms, touching that you still remembered my birthday. *smile*


Jack ~
yeah... thanks for remembered my birthday. thought you gonna miss it.. hahah


Lip~
thanks my taiKo.. haha.. thanks for your blessings, thanks for treated me as your sister, thanks for everything. and yeah.. you are the last one to greet me happy birthday. hahahah may God bless you.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

besides the name list above, i sincerely give thanks to those who ever leave messages and testi in my friendster and not forget to thank you to my online buddies. thanks for everyone of you who ever greet me on/after my birthday. you guys are wonderful! i love y'all~ cheers*

.

.

remember me this way!!

i wish to dedicate this song to y'all ~


REMEMBER ME THIS WAY

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay
But part of you will never
ever go away Your heart will stay

(Chorus:) I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
Forever more, a part of me
You're everywhere

(Repeat chorus)

(Bridge:) And I'll be right behind your shoulder,
watching you I'll be standing by your side in all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe

(Repeat chorus)


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candles and blessings~

Happy Birthday to me.
Officially my age turns to 27,
well, maybe not so big.
But i've been blessed nonetheless.
Here i am once again,
Raise my hands to worship You,
I wanna say Thank You,
Thank You.

For everything,
For who You are,
You've covered me and touched my heart,
I wanna say Thank You,
Thank You.

Thank You, Father God,
For the abundance of blessing in my life.
From family to friends,
To just having a life to live.
Everything that just so constantly reminds me of Your love for me.

To those who sent texts and e-mails,
Thanks so much.
I really appreciate it.

To those who called,
(Or tried to call.. Hahaha. Sorry, Kim! I was on the phone just now!)
Thank you too,
U guys deserved a hug from me.

To my PiaGroup friends,
Thanks for the arrangement,
I love you guys.
Thank you for being a part of my 27 years.


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last day of 26 years old ~

Birthday's in tomorrow,
yeah ~ i'll turn to 27 years old within 24 hours.
The 14th of November.
its mean that today is my last day of 26 years old,
Okay, fine. 27's not that big a number.
but whatever.
thinking of celebrating with my new friends in kk at first,
but too lazy to plan anything,
and it's quite stupid to have a celebration for 27 years old *sigh*

At last i've decided there is still no party celebration,
it's gonna be a quiet dinner with few valuable friends.
i'm only asking a handful of people.
not more than 3.. lol..

Why?
Because I just want have a warm and quiet dinner, that's why.

Who's invited?
You'll find out... may be you, you and you.. LoL...

how about my brother and sister?
eee... i really not expect two of them got 'time' to entertain me.. :-(

how about my JihMui?
because you girls are JihMui, not valuable friends for me.. lol.. jkjk

how about my gang at Glasgow?
y'all are not invited becasue of the 'distance'... LoL.

how about my gang in hsbc?
seriously, i only think of you guys now... lol.. jkjk

and how about my piagroup friends?
we can have party some other time.. definitely... lol

I'll up-date here again how's my dinner tomorrow night,
but listen.... dont expect any photos to be upload for you guys... ;-)
i gonna be happy today..
since today is my last day of 26 years old,
so... someone out there, dont pissed me off today ya..
and tomorrow, i gonna go to island.... with myself!!
anyone of you want to give me surprise? lol..

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Face it ~ Admit it ~

Face it ~

No one cares if you're happy or not.

They care only about you making them happy.

So once they're happy with you making them happy,

They automatically come to assume that you, in making them happy.

Most of the time,

Even if they want you to be happy,

Why? So it makes them happy.

.
Admit it ~

People are selfish.

.
Get it?
They never work in your favour lest it benefits them.

It doesn't help that people are so unreliable.

Those people who always come to you with their problems,

Aren't there to listen to yours.

Typical.

.

Damn it!

When they going to learn?
When are them learn that they can't use people like this?
When are them learn that not everything will go their way?

When are them learn to stop manipulating people to get their way?

.

I've kept quiet all this while.

I've tried to brush it aside.

'Cos I thought,"Hey, maybe they'll realise it and change it themselves."

But finally ~

They pushing me away.

.

i forgive you ~

Went to church yesterday.

It was something totally unexpected.

Totally.

But after the woship,

I feel like there is some forgiving I have to do.

I don't know specifically who I'm supposed to forgive..

But I feel that it has to be done.

So..

Whatever you've done,

Whatever you've said,

Though I've never said it before,

And though it may not even matter now anymore,

Just to make things right:

I forgive you.

And I'm sorry for waiting so long to say it.

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part of a fool ~

yea.. fall in love with a song recently, the title for this song is 'part of a fool' which sang by Malaysia local singer - Juwita Suwito. i noticed this song from EiValne's blog, thanks gal, thanks for letting me know the title for this song... *hugz*

friends... enjoy this song ya..





Song title : Part of A Fool
Singer: Juwita Suwito

I've been there before And I just ca'nt let go
I''ve been there before And I just can''t let go
The memory and pain of the hurt I know
Now deep in the night And there''s passion inside
Dare I follow my heart
An innocent smile
Then a walk in the night
There it''s dinner at home served with candle light
And it''s been quite a while
Since I felt good inside
Dare I follow my heart

Do I fell something special inside of you
Do I know what you''re really think of me
And the raindrops keep falling into my heart
And j just can''t deny what feels so right
Do I let myself go and feel the rain
Or should I play with caution and refrain
Whatever I do when it comes to you
I know sometimes love plays the part of a fool
I know what''s in store Though I can''t say much more
A chance worth the taking has open its door
And I can''t say I love you And I can''t sayI don''t
But I do wish I knew

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


爱情的傻子(中译)　

我曾经历过 而我无法忘怀
我知道回忆带给我痛苦　
现在在深夜里 心中有股热情
我任凭自己跟着感觉走　
一个天真的笑容 让我在外漫走彻夜不归　
虽然家中温暖的烛光晚餐在等着我　
心中未曾快乐过 我任凭自己跟着感觉走　

我真的感受到你内心的特别吗　
我真的知道你是怎么看待我的吗
心中的雨未曾停过 美好的感觉如此真实而无法否认
我应该不顾一切去感受雨滴　
或是应该先玩火再克制
不论我做了什么　 都是为你
我清楚有时爱情让人变成傻子　
我知道是什么 虽然我不能再多说了　
就是我把握了一个机会希望它为我打开另一扇门　
我不能说我爱你 我又不能说我不爱你
但我真希望我知道该怎么做


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thanks doug~

Sometimes people admit to doing some things even though they didn't to make you feel better about what you did.......These are friends whom you should keep forever and ever.


*Thanks Doug* He called me all the way from Glasgow and spent close an hour talking to me.....If he is not a real friend, I don't know who is!

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Memories are JUST memories..

the place and people are still the same
yet the feeling are all different now
we were so close that time
but now, everything was changed,
not because of the distance
u are so near to me now,
but there is an invisible wall between us
i wonder since when the wall was built...
but i know that its not our fault,
and finally accepted its our fate,
if Father God makes this way for us,
then we gotta accept it with thanksgiving heart,
because i know that he loves everyone of us,
i know that he will definitely arrange the best for us,
and now, i hope that our friendship remain unchanged,
i hope that we can be forever friend..


" i saw your face
in a crowded place
but i dont know what to do
cause i never be with u..
but its time to face the truth
i will never be with you"


.

spare tyre ~

dear you, how would i not understand how it feels like to be a 'spare tyre'? to be called upon when needed, to not be at the top of someone's head until god knows when? to be the last resort? i fully understand your feeling right now.....

many a time you have been taken for granted, many a time you have been deppreciated,, and honestly, i know it hurts!! of course it hurts!! but then again, it only takes time for one to reliaze that it hurts only because hold high opinion of yourself in the first place. i mean, one only needs to learn to be humble to really feel contented. but who are you to expect to be in the first place?
of course, it would be good to be at the top of someone's mind, yet even if you are not, it doesn't really matter, does it? there are other peoples who put you on the top of their mind. lol. :-)

its so hard to get a true friends nowadays, i wish that you could have more true friends than friends, once you have found a true friend, make sure you do everything to hold onto it..


.

i found out something!

i found out something!!

the less you know, the happier you are, the happier you are, the longer life you have!!! so i'm gonna act like don't know anything... *smile*

all of sudden i feel like i need a hug... i believe that i am the one to choose my state of mind, because no one can make me happy except myself, samething, no one can make me unhappy but myself as well, it's just depends on how i think and react towards the situation.

swimming is good, it takes my mind off things, and i only wanna go to the end of the pool. yea.. i love swimming, i will go to swimmng today ~ lol..

.

never turn back ~

i burst into tears 2 times in 24 hours. the first time was sour, and the second time is bittersweet, and i have a feeling this will probably be a most tearful week. :-(

two peoples, i know it's impossible to forget all the memories we have together, the laughs and tears, the jokes and the promises we shared, we both know that we have to face the reality after we wake up ...

two people, thanks for impacted my life.
two people, thanks for trully blessed me and affected me.
two people, thanks for treated me with sincerity.
two people, thanks for kept the promised.
two people, thanks for being a part of my life.

looking back at the road that we've all walked together, how far we've gone so far,
and now, we are taking a different path, detached, away,
leaving memories, blessings, and footprints in our life,
two people, never turn back....
because we can't turn back the clock.

two people, we should looking forward in our future, we should looking a new hope and a new dream, and walking step by step to pursue that dream. and yea...
two people, i believe that we can do it .. >_<>

life is a gift ~

Received an e-mail from my friend which i love it very much ~ it's meaningful !!


Life is a Gift
Appreciate what you have....

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her.
She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry herboyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can seeeverything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?".
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, andrefused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying,"Just take care of my eyes dear."

This is how human brain changes when the status changed.

Only few remember what life was before,
and who's always been there even inthe most painful situations.

Life Is A Gift~
Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
When you are tired and complain about your job - Think of theunemployed, the disable and those who wished they had your job.
Before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

When depressing thoughts seem to get you down,
Put a smile on your faceand be thankful you're alive and still around.

Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it.


.

because of love?

have you ever wondered why when family members have an arguement, yet in the end they still get back together?
have you ever wondered why when friends disagree on something and have a misunderstanding yet in the end they laugh about the whole thing?
have you ever wondered why people help each other?

it's all because of LOVE. many things happened around me and i realised that if there is no LOVE in this world, there would be nothing! and i thanks God for introducing Love to the earth.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son...that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life!!!!!

i learnt something very valuable yesterday in church...
there will always be sunshine after the rain.
there will always be rainbow after a storm.
follow Jesus because he is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE.


.

dear you ~

dear you~
i wanna help you,
i really do.
i want you to be happy, to be able to live a "guilt-free" life,
i want you to be able to stand up straight,
i want you to live life....

dear God~
i want the supernatural ability to make people happy,
i want to be able to give them exactly what they need,
i want to be able to solve every problem they have,
i want to be able to dry their every tears,
i want to be able to say the "right" things at the right time.
i want to be a blessing to others, not a burden,
i wanna bring them to you,
i wanna bring them out of depression,
i wanna let them know that you are the only one they can truly depends on.


my prayers be able to touch the heart of God, i believe that...
truly blessed by God, i'm sure i am...
depends on God, i'm trying my best ...
i realized that i am very small indeed,
i realized that solving matters with what i know,
simply cannot compare with how God solves things.

so please... all of you who are reading this,
if anyone of you feel down caused of hardship and adversity,
and not able to find a way,
please - pray
please - have faith,
please - depends on him.
and i'll pray on behalf of y'all definitely..

faith is the strongest thing someone can ever have.
never forget ~ GOD IS AWESOME.. amen.


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