my resolutions for year 2007 ~

I have to convince myself that 2007 is going to be a year without him, that it's truly over. It's almost as if the new calendar is proof that that period of time has ended, and something new is beginning. What kind of new beginning? I wish I knew.

I hardly ever make resolutions, but I think in this coming year, it's important that I make some, i have to do what i can to make 2007 become a good year. Moreover, it is my hope to capture myself at my best.

My 2007 resolutions~
- Live a more active life.
- Live a more healthier life.
- Exceed some expectations.
- Quit being such a slacker.
- Broaden my horizons.
- Be impeccable with my word.
- Write something every day.
- Only make choices that make myself happy.

All my chicks and dudes.... Goodbye to 2006, the 'dark days' of 2006 are over soon ~
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!.... I hope y'all had an excellent night, and are already on your way to finishing up your resolutions. :-)

Hello... verbal karma can?

I need to hear a comforting voice.
caumei, donna, pheiling, jojo, tshin, charles, ah fii, ....
I miss you guys.
All of a sudden,
I remember stuff about the past.
And somehow I wish I could go back in time and relive those moments.
Not in a different way,
But just to live them again.

I think bitching about something will make me feel better again.
You know what annoys me?
I'm sick of how fake people can be.
How some friendships are just so hard to keep going.
Whatever you do just seems to drive the friendship into the ground.
Seriously.
I'm sick of people who think it's okay to make uncalled for remarks at you,
But when you do the same to them, they get pissed off.
Hello, verbal karma can?
I'm sick of friendships where they'll get upset if you exclude them,
But when things happened the same to others, they're not even realize it.
Why they never trying to put themselves in others' shoes??
Dont they know that 'give' and 'take' should exist in the real friendship?

S*cks!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, if you think i'm talking about you,
I probably am.


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christmas is nearing to an end~

christmas is nearing to an end... to tell y'all the truth, i haven't been in a very christmasy mood till now. kk city damn quiet and i kinda disappointed with that. I didn't celebrate my christmas in kk for the past 4 years, then i was expected something special..... :-( well, i went to my aunt's house for christmas eve dinner. kinda surprised that one of my friend was there n joined our dinner. i went to church for christmas eve worship with my aunt, uncle and my friend, it's really amazing! yea.. God is awesome, the prayer and songs really make my tears run out from my eyes.. it's touching honestly, this the the only greatest time for me last night!! :-D

so many things happened but i cant blog about every single thing for this weekend.. i was attended to Megan's wedding dinner on saturday night, it was amazing!! i really touching with their love story, that was the greatest part of the dinner i bet. Megan looked beautiful.. after the wedding dinner, i hang out with my piagroup friends. we had a great time and its really a craziness big party.. almost everyone of us a bit high and enjoyed the parties. lol. guess? i only slept at 5 in the morning.. *laugh*

eventhough saturday night was fun, but i only can categorized it as a normal piagroup clubbing time, its not a christmas celebration anyway.. how sad that i realized it.. some of my thoughts are really not convenient to share it here.. lol...if not i will be killed by my friends. so, i wil only share out with you guys in our msn or skype chat session. do remind me then..

doug, thanks for your morning call..!!!!! it's 5am in my country, and you dare to wake me up in this hour!!! if you are not BASTARD, i dont know who else can be.. lol. damn you!!! don't ever call me in this special hour next time..!!!!!! i will shoot you for sure!!!! lol... yea.. i know it's time for a snowball fight.. and im missing y'all here. take care everyone... i love y'all..

let's say goodbye to 2006 Christmas and do have a great time for the last 6 days in 2006!!!!!!


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a christmas message to y'all ~

I hope y'all have a wonderful and blessed christmas with family and friends surrounding you. My best wishes go out to all of you!!!! wish y'all can find peace and fun with, and one that you're looking forward to!

Even though im missing my family and friends as i can't be with some of you at this time of year, know that in my heart, im with y'all every moment!!

it's good to know how to say 'Merry Christmas' in other language..
i got all these from a meaningful website..

French: Joyeux Noel!
Italian: Buone Natale!
Norwegian: Gledelig Jul!
Finnish: Hyvaa Joulua!
Spanish: Feliz Navidad!
German: Froehliche
Weihnachten!
Japanese: Merii Kurisumasau!
Dutch: Vrolijk Kerstfeest!
Greek: Kala Christouyenna!
Ukrainian: Srozhdestvom Kristovym


Merry Christmas with joy,
from Connie


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Kopicat Cafe

I went out with jackson just now... kinda surprised this dude called me in sudden. he was my ex-classmates in high school, someone i knew since i was 13 years old, someone chased after my best friend since 13 years old, someone kinda famous in basketball during my school time, someone that always called me in the midnight, someone that always caused me get scolded by my parents, someone that ONLY remember me when the time he is unhappy, someone that never share his happiness time with me, someone that knew me for 15 years and never remember my birthday, someone stayed in the same park with me so called 'neighbour' in kk now. lol.

yea.. he is the one i ever shared with you, the one that stayed opposite your house in kk.. caumei.. get it? lol..

we went to a nice place - Kopicat Cafe. Man i love that place, very peaceful, quiet, classy yet modern, got nice music, nice food, nice drinks and the environment is just soooo cooL, nice decoration, nice colour scheme. They use primarily pale yellow and pale green. The ambience is just there. and yea.. we had a great time there. it's always good can gathered with 'old' friend... ;p

check out some pics that i took ~ remind me to bring y'all visit there if there is a chance ya..

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birth month characteristic~

yea.. grabbed the below article from a website, n share with y'all.... let me know whether its accurate? :-)



JANUARY
* Ambitious and serious
* Loves to teach and be taught
* Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses
* Likes to criticise
* Hardworking and productive
* Smart, neat and organised
* Sensitive and has deep thoughts
* Knows how to make others happy
* Quiet unless excited or tensed
* Rather reserved
* Highly attentive
* Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
* Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
* Loves children
* Homely person
* Loyal
* Needs to improve social abilities
* Easily jealous



FEBRUARY
* Abstract thoughts
* Loves reality and abstract
* Intelligent and clever
* Changing personality
* Temperamental
* Quiet, shy and humble
* Low self esteem
* Honest and loyal
* Determined to reach goals
* Loves freedom
* Rebellious when restricted
* Loves aggressiveness
* Too sensitive and easily hurt
* Showing anger easily
* Dislike unnecessary things
* Loves making friends but rarely shows it
* Daring and stubborn
* Ambitious
* Realising dreams and hopes
* Sharp
* Loves entertainment and leisure
* Romantic on the inside not outside
* Supersticious and ludicrous
* Spendthrift
* Learns to show emotions


MARCH
* Attractive personality
* Affectionate
* Shy and reserved
* Secretive
* Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic
* Loves peace and serenity
* Sensitive to others
* Loves to serve others
* Not easily angered
* Trustworthy
* Appreciative and returns kindness
* Observant and assess others
* Revengeful
* Loves to dream and fantasize
* Loves travelling
* Loves attention
* Hasty decisions in choosing partners
* Loves home decors
* Musically talented
* Loves special things
* Moody



APRIL
* Active and dynamic
* Decisive and hasteful but tends to regret
* Attractive and affectionate to oneself
* Strong mentality
* Loves attention
* Diplomatic
* Consoling
* Friendly and solves people's problems
* Brave and fearless
* Adventurous
* Loving and caring
* Suave and generous
* Emotional
* Revengeful
* Agressive
* Hasty
* Good memory
* Moving
* Motivate oneself and the others
* Sickness usually of the head and chest
* Easily get too jealous



MAY
* Stubborn and hard-hearted
* Strong-willed and highly motivated
* Sharp thoughts
* Easily angered
* Attracts others and loves attention
* Deep feelings
* Beautiful physically and mentally
* Firm standpoint
* Easily influenced
* Needs no motivation
* Easily consoled
* Systematic (left brain)
* Loves to dream
* Strong clairvoyance
* Understanding
* Sickness usually in the ear and neck
* Good imagination
* Good debating skills
* Good physical
* Weak breathing
* Loves literature and the arts
* Loves travelling
* Dislike being at home
* Restless
* Hardworking
* High spirited
* Spendthrift



JUNE
* Thinks far with vision
* Easily influenced by kindness
* Polite and soft-spoken
* Having lots of ideas
* Sensitive
* Active mind
* Hesitating
* Tends to delay
* Choosy and always wants the best
* Temperamental
* Funny and humorous
* Loves to joke
* Good debating skills
* Talkative
* Daydreamer
* Friendly
* Knows how to make friends
* Abiding
* Able to show character
* Easily hurt
* Prone to getting colds
* Loves to dress up
* Easily bored
* Fussy
* Seldom show emotions
* Takes time to recover when hurt
* Brand conscious
* Executive
* Stubborn
* Those who loves me are enemies
* Those who hates me are friends



JULY
* Fun to be with
* Secretive
* Difficult to fathom and to be understood
* Quiet unless excited or tensed
* Takes pride in oneself
* Has reputation
* Easily consoled
* Honest
* Concern about people's feelings
* Tactful
* Friendly
* Approachable
* Very emotional
* Tempramental and unpredictable
* Moody and easily hurt
* Witty and sarky
* Sentimental
* Not revengeful
* Forgiving but never forgets
* Dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things
* Guides others physically and mentally
* Sensitive and forms impressions carefully
* Caring and loving
* Strong sense of sympathy
* Wary and sharp
* Judge people through observations
* Hardworking
* No difficulties in studying
* Always broods about the past and the old friends
* Easily jealous
* Waits for friends
* Never looks for friends
* Not aggressive unless provoked
* Prone to having stomach and dieting problems
* Loves to be loved
* Easily hurt
* Overly concerned
* Puts in effort in work



AUGUST
* Loves to joke
* Attractive
* Suave and caring
* Brave and fearless
* Firm and has leadership qualities
* Knows how to console others
* Too generous and egoistic
* Taked high pride of oneself
* Thirsty for praises
* Extraodinary spirit
* Easily angered
* Angry when provoked
* Easily jealous
* Observant
* Careful and cautious
* Thinks quickly
* Independent thoughts
* Loves to lead and to be led
* Loves to dream
* Talented in the arts, music and defence
* Sensitive but not petty
* Poor resistance against illnesses
* Learns to relax
* Hasty and rushy
* Romantic
* Loving and caring
* Loves to make friends



SEPTEMBER
* Suave and compromising
* Careful, cautious and organised
* Likes to point out people's mistakes
* Likes to criticize
* Quiet but able to talk well
* Calm and cool
* Kind and sympathetic
* Concerned and detailed
* Trustworthy, loyal and honest
* Does work well
* Sensitive
* Thinking
* Good memory
* Clever and knowledgeable
* Loves to look for information
* Must control oneself when criticising
* Able to motivate oneself
* Understanding
* Secretive
* Loves sports, leisure and travelling
* Hardly shows emotions
* Tends to bottle up feelings
* Choosy especially in relationships
* Loves wide things
* Systematic



OCTOBER
* Loves to chat
* Loves those who loves him
* Loves to takes things at the centre
* Attractive and suave
* Inner and physical beauty
* Does not lie or pretend
* Sympathetic
* Treats friends importantly
* Always making friends
* Easily hurt but recovers easily
* Bad tempered
* Selfish
* Seldom helps unless asked
* Daydreamer
* Very opinionated
* Does not care of what others think
* Emotional
* Decisive
* Strong clairvoyance
* Loves to travel, the arts and literature
* Soft-spoken, loving and caring
* Romantic
* Touchy and easily jealous
* Concerned
* Loves outdoors
* Just and fair
* Spendthrift and easily influenced
* Easily lose confidence



NOVEMBER
* Has a lot of ideas
* Difficult to fathom
* Thinks forward
* Unique and brilliant
* Extraodinary ideas
* Sharp thinking
* Fine and strong clairvoyance
* Can become good doctors
* Careful and cautious
* Dynamic in personality
* Secretive
* Inquisitive
* Knows how to dig secrets
* Always thinking
* Less talkative but amiable
* Brave and generous
* Patient
* Stubborn and hard-hearted
* If there is a will, there is a way
* Determined
* Never give up
* Hardly become angry unless provoked
* Loves to be alone
* Thinks differently from others
* Sharp-minded
* Motivates oneself
* Does not appreciates praises
* High-spirited
* Well-built and tough
* Deep love and emotions
* Romantic
* Uncertain in relationships
* Homely
* Hardworking
* High abilities
* Trustworhty
* Honest and keeps secrets
* Not able to control emotions
* Unpredictable



DECEMBER
* Loyal and generous
* Patriotic
* Active in games and interactions
* Impatient and hasty
* Ambitious
* Influential in organisations
* Fun to be with
* Loves to socialise
* Loves praises
* Loves attention
* Loves to be loved
* Honest and trustworthy
* Not pretending
* Short tempered
* Changing personality
* Not egoistic
* Takes high pride in oneself
* Hates restrictions
* Loves to joke
* Good sense of humor
* Logical


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sensitivity and stupidity~

Extremely irritable right now.
Everything seems to annoy me.
God, save me.

There should be a cure for sensitivity and stupidity.
Sensitive and stupid people should be send to an island far, far away.
I can deal with sensitive and stupid separately.
But if put them together, i'll be killed.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
But what?
I just don't know.
God, please help me.
I'm so lost.


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what happened?

when something happens...it just happens. it happened in such a short time and if it goes wrong. all u can say is...WHAT HAPPENED?!

there are things that i wish didnt happen. christmas is drawing near. i HOPE the mood will get better. i do not expect life to be superb all the time. and i'm glad life isnt always good.

have u ever been in a state where u just dont have any more tears to let out?! i have.

there are just so many things in my head and i dont even know what i should say and what i should not. i shall stop here before i say something i shouldnt.

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i forgive you ~

Went to church yesterday.

It was something totally unexpected.

Totally.

But after the woship,

I feel like there is some forgiving I have to do.

I don't know specifically who I'm supposed to forgive..

But I feel that it has to be done.

So..

Whatever you've done,

Whatever you've said,

Though I've never said it before,

And though it may not even matter now anymore,

Just to make things right:

I forgive you.

And I'm sorry for waiting so long to say it.

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thanks 'anGeL' ~

guess i haven't been around for anybody lately...my apologies ~

after a long break, i think im starting to feel better after i shared out my doubts with someone who called 'angel' in my life.

Angel - thanks for giving me support and some insight on an issue that has been weighing heavily on my mind for the past week, i think i'd overcome it finally. *hugz*

to all my dearest friends who has viewed this blog, thanks so much for the caring, sorry that im not purposely to ignore y'all but then ... i just need time to overcome it. *hugz* im adjusting my mood back to normal and back up to speed with everyone, as well as put some 'colours' and drop few 'words' in my blog here. see ya...

~ breathe again ~

yeah.. uploaded a wonderful song which sang by Juwita for sharing with my dearest friends. ^__^ have a great weekend ya..


http://localhostr.com/files/f7899215e52c161b409f.mp3

Breathe Again - Juwita Suwito


Have you wondered how it feels when it's all over?
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew?
Never knowing where you're going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say

I just want to breathe again, learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, live a little more
I just wanna face the day, forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little, try a little more
I’ll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still moves on
With a bit of luck
It’s a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don't want to live on life's replay

I just want to breathe again, learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, live a little more
I just wanna face the day, forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little, try a little more
I’ll breathe again

Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

I just want to breathe again, learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, live a little more
I just wanna face the day, forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little, try a little more
I'll breathe again

I'll breathe again...

forget it all and just live!!!

So nothing has seem to changed, i'm still just as lonely here. again, it was happened again.. i've pushed everyone away, i've been having my rapid mood swings a lot again i've been thinking alot of thoughts which i know i shouldn't be. I feel like i've been accused for some reasons. i feel like i should't be around others, i somehow feel not good enough i guess to deserve human interaction and to be honest i'm really afraid of accusation from others, i feel bad that my heart filled with guilt. Last night after my bath i was looking in the mirror but strange that i noticed myself unable to smile happily to myself.. That's not like me at all. Y'all ever having this kind of feelings before?

All this time, i've been submerging myself in all sort of things. i think it's time to come up to breathe.. i'm just going to forget about all those silly and stupid accusation, forget everything that's been bugging me, forget it all and just live. yea.. JUST LIVE...

another 30 days to year 2007!!!!! enjoy the last 30 days of year 2006, connie.. :P


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i just have to let it be ~

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when all the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me.
Shine on 'til tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Let it be, yeah let it be.

There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Let it be, yeah let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
And there will be no sadness, let it be


~*The Beatles*~

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scars in heart~

read an e-mail which forwarded by lynda , it's a very meaningful story..

it makes me wondering everyone of us have scars in our heart, yea.. i.e. scars of a painful past, some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. but of course, i would say that time can heal some wounds, but can time really cure a scar in our deep deep heart? can people outside there can really accept our scars of past with open heart? people out there never know how a person gone though their past, and never know the pain of having those scars in heart. but how dare are them simply judge on another person's scars? :-( it's kinda sad to realize it..

it's mentioned in the said e-mail that some wounds are because God refused to let go, so that in the midst of our struggle, he can been there holding on to us. isn't true? i dont know.. i really dont know.. but i knew that i trust him, and i knew that he loves me, i am a child of God. if there is the only way for me to gone through .. then i will choose to obey to him. :-)

i used to remind myself with this quote, share with y'all today ~
“Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become.”

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weird nightmare!!!!

I just have a weird nightmare!! i don't know what the crap i was thinking about before i went to bed but I woke up drenched in sweat just now, i was slept at 10.15pm, but awake at 1.30am, i think i was dreamed within these 3 hours, and i feel like i barely slept at all.

I can't explain it with words, it was so horrible, so vivid, so real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!it took me at least 30 minutes to realize that it was just a dream, and shake off the anxiety from my mind.

How can my mind cook up such horrible negative stuff?
But thanks God, at least it was only a nightmare...

i gonna back to sleep again.. good night everyone.. *hugz*


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seriously...

I'm pretty upset right now, actually.

I feel like something's wrong between one of my best friends and I.

I feel like I'm being pushed out of her life.

I know that she's gone/going through a hard time right now..

But I want her to see that I'm there for her.

But all I seem to be getting is vague and distant answers.

it sort of makes me think..

What am I to her?

I'm probably insanely emotional or something.

I don't know.

I feel like a stranger.

Like I'm watching her life from the outside.

God. Guide me.

Anyways,

On the subject of friends,

Getting to know long-term acquaintances better than keep making new friends,

Strengthening friendships for me is important!!

i cherished you, my sweety..

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check it out!!!

yea.. i FINALLY have something new up on my blog!!! please let me know what you guys think.


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truly blessed by 50 friends~

yea.. thanks for the all the text sms or phone called during my birthday. check out your name below whether you are on my #top 10# ranking?


Vui Tshin~
yea.. you are always the 1st to greet me happy birthday every year, thanks for your effort on our friendship, dude, thanks for brigthen me when i was down, thanks for being my friend for more than 14 years ~ i got a sense that we can be foRever fRiend.. cheers!!


Su Nye~
gal, thanks for your blessing and present. we used to be so closed during high school, but i need to admit that there's an invisible wall in between us after we growth up, which i know that we couldn't get each other mind, but i promise wil try my very best to get through it, i knew that we both appreciated our friendship and memories we shared, sincerely wish you happy. *hugz*


Tze Vui~
thanks for your blessing my sweety *hugz* it's really surprised me that you are the 3rd person to greet me!! and you are the the one who call me at 1201am sharp.. lol. *smile*


Andrew~
thanks for kept your promised to me, i'll put you in the bottom of my heart. this is the my *promise* to you. thanks for being a part of my life, thanks for your sincerity blessings and present. thousand of sorry my dear, it's a pain for me to realize that i'd let go everything in finally.. *hugz*


Jackson~
wow, surprised surprised surprised!!!!! i never expect your call .. knew you more than 15 years, but this is the 1st time that u say "happy birthday" to me and you are the 5th person to greet me. i couldn't believe it till now, bet that 'someone' remind you about my birthday, right?if you greet me 15 years ago, or even 7 years ago, i bet that i wil cry like heck!!!! i was expected your blessing since i was very young, but you always skip me!!!! lol. anyway, thanks dude. *smile*


Nicholas~
thanks for your arrangment for my birthday, thanks for your blessings, thanks for being a part of my life, i'll try my best to live life to the fullest.. *hugz* i wont make any apologise to you even i knew that my words might hurt you.. i bet you know that. but dear, i wish to let you know that i'd forgive everything about the past and i'd set myself free finally, kinda pain to realize about it.. anyway, life goes on, please do take care and be happy too.


James~
yea.. thanks for your birthday cake and your blessings, it's kinda surprised for me and thanks again for the arrangement. even that i knew you not that long, but i always feel touching with your gentle and sincerity heart. you seems an angel for me. don worry about me, ok? i'll try my best to be happy.. *promise*


Ling~
even that you're not here, but there is not much different my sweety, because you are always in my mind!!!! *hugz* good luck to your exam and i'm waiting for you to come back!!! i gotta give you a big hug!!!


Dovern~
*hugz* thanks for accompanied me, honestly, you've saved me from dillemma. bet you get it what i mean.. lol. i'll put my appreciation in the bottom of my heart.


CauMei~
yea.. your blessings sms still in my top 10 ranking, totally under my prediction, hahhaa.. thanks for your sms, thanks for still remember my birthday.i wish to let you know that, no matter wat happen to you, i'm always here. i appreciated our friendship, you'd get my heart, my passionate, my trust and my loyalty friendship.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


who are in my 11th - 20th ranking?


Kim~
yea.. thanks dear, thanks for your blessing, thanks for your effort on our friendship, thanks for treated me so well, you are the 11th person to called me, especially you called from so far, i am happy that you are coming to visit me soon. you are angel without wing which sent by Father God to me. *hugz*


Gabe~
hey dear.. thanks for your called.. i bet that you are with Kim last night and believe that kim reminded you about my birthday.. don deny!!! i never believe that you remember my birthday!!!! LoL.... *hugz* miss you heaps.


Rita~
chick, i miss you... gotta give you a bih hugz in real when you are here!!! thanks for your blessings during my birthday, thanks for being my chicks when my time there!! thanks for brighten me when i am not in a right mode. i love you, chick!!


Melinda~
mel, i never expect that you called me... lol.. know that u busy with 'someone' recently... lol. anyway, thanks heaps chick..


Donna~
Donna!!!!!!!!! thanks for remembered my birthday!! it's a lots to me!! i memorize back the time we struggled in KHP... thanks for still keep in touch with me even that we are not work together now, thanks for being my friend.. take care always.


Siew Juan~
thanks for your blessings, my dear. knew you for so long but we seldom have chance to hang out and even drink together, thanks for be one of my reader, know you must feel hard to leave kk, i guess i can know your roughly know your feeling, please take good care of yourself in UK, and do keep in touch always, you're always welcome back my dear. *hugz*


Lynda~
moi, thank you so much for your blessings, thank you so much with your caring, dont worry about me ok? i wil try my best to through my life with thanksgiving heart. was so busy yesterday, we arrange for lunch or dinner next week, ok?


Esther~
gal, even that i only met you once, but thanks for remember my birthday and thanks for the blessings. do keep in touch with me. *hugz*


Phei Ling~
thanks for everything.. thanks for the birthday cake and the present, thanks for being my JihMui, thanks for being a part of my life, i cherished our friendship, and i'm sure that we gotta be forever friend til the end of our life. i love you.


Fiona
even that i knew you not that long, but thanks for your blessings, thanks for offered youself to be my companion for dinner when i'm alone.. i appreciated your efforts and companion. gotta give you a big hug *hugz*


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


who else in my 21th-30th ranking?


Valerie~
val, thanks for your blessings. let's go party again some other time ya.. :P


Jennifer~
jenn, my chick,, thanks for your e-mail especially the poem, its really makes me memorize back our precious time in glasgow, i miss yo, lady *hugz* thanks for your blessings and supported.


Tze Ling~
gal, thanks for your blessings, feel great to hear from you *smile*


Anne~
wow.. so surprised to received ur sms. it's really out of my prediction, my dear. thanks heaps.


Edward~
wahwahwah.... i am really surprised dude, thought you forgot who is CONNIE!!!!!!! thought that you forgot my birthday. kinda sad this year my celebration without you. LoL.


Lee Na~
i gonna give you a big hug once imeet you again. knew you since we are kids.. in church sunday school hor? i think more than 20 years!!!!!!! my precious friend. so great that u never missed my birthday.. i love you, dear. u are my cherishable and forever friend for sure.


Nicole~
thanks dear for still remembered my birthday. thanks for still keep in touch with me even that we are not colleague for now. thanks for your efforts for maintain our friendship. *cheers*


Chwan~
chwan.. thanks for your blessings..thanks for your caring and efforts my dear friend. wish you get well soon ya.. !!!


Stephen~
dude, thanks for your blessing. take good care and im sure everything gonna be alright soon. *hugz*


Small Charles~
never expect get any blessings from you, boy. that why when i got your blessings, really makes me happy. thanks heaps.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



who else is my 31th - 40th ranking?


Victoria~
hmhmmm... thought you forgot my birthday!!!.. LoL.. feel great that u still remembered it at last. thanks gal. *hugz* thanks for your blessed, and your efforts to mantain our friendship. thanks for those memories we had shared together when my time in hsbc. i cherished you, my friend.


WanWan~
you seems so busy recently, glad that you still remember my birthday. thanks my dear.


Vy Vy~
vy vy.. thanks my little angel.. u are my 8po chai.. and always makes me laugh with your words. really touching that u planned to spent me to pizza hut or KFC.. it's mean a lots to me, this is the rewards of my love? LoL.... *hugz*


Shirley, kch ~
shirley, thanks for your sms. i really toucing as you still remember my birthday, thanks for your blessings, thanks for your efforts of maintain friendship with me even that we just gathered in the training course about one week. please do take care and keep in touch always.


Jita ~
dude, thanks for your birthday song and blessings!!!! thanks yea..


Shirley Wong ~
thanks for your message, my dear. huggies wuggies for you. please arrange time and we gotta meet, you have missed out a lot of my story!!!! LOL.


DiDi ~
yea... thanks for your blessing from so far,, really felt good with that. miss yu heaps. take good care there and study hard ya!!


Elaiza ~
thought of you forgot my birthday.. luckily u still remember. lol. thanks dear.. thanks for being a part of my life. your sms means a lot to me!!


Yun Hin ~
hey. i think i know you for almost 27 years.. haha.. thanks for everything, thanks for makes me know about Jesus in my life, i appreciated you as my friend. i remembered every words you taught during church sunda school till now. thanks for remembered my birthday and your blessings.


Vivian ~
gal, totally out of my prediction, never thought of received message from you, thanks gal. *hugz*


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



who is the last 10 persons in my ranking?



Fook~
thanks dear for remembered my birthday, i think if you not my best friend, who else can consider as my best friend.. *hugz*


Kenny~
chatted with you in msn the whole morning, but you only realized my birthday and sent sms to me in the afternoon.. thanks dude, thanks for your blessings.


Priscilla~
pris, we had never got chance to have a drink together after the 1st met with you. thanks for your friendship and treated me so nice. thanks for your blessing as well. *hugz*


Yusni~
moi!!!!! thanks for remembered my birthday, thanks for your blessings!!! i am surprised when you called me, it's mean a lots to me!! i miss the time when we worked together in hsbc last time.. do keep in touch always ya.


Chelwin~
gal, thanks for your message, felt warm with those wordings. and yea.. i'd a great and warm dinner on my birthday night with my friend. thanks for your blessings *hugz*


Jovita~
jojo, never expected that you remember my birthday.. haha!! thanks for the message ya. v arrange a time to meet up .. promise!!


Alan ~
dude, thanks for your blessings. lol.wish you all the best too.


Nana ~
gal, thanks for your sms, touching that you still remembered my birthday. *smile*


Jack ~
yeah... thanks for remembered my birthday. thought you gonna miss it.. hahah


Lip~
thanks my taiKo.. haha.. thanks for your blessings, thanks for treated me as your sister, thanks for everything. and yeah.. you are the last one to greet me happy birthday. hahahah may God bless you.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

besides the name list above, i sincerely give thanks to those who ever leave messages and testi in my friendster and not forget to thank you to my online buddies. thanks for everyone of you who ever greet me on/after my birthday. you guys are wonderful! i love y'all~ cheers*

.

.

remember me this way!!

i wish to dedicate this song to y'all ~


REMEMBER ME THIS WAY

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay
But part of you will never
ever go away Your heart will stay

(Chorus:) I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
Forever more, a part of me
You're everywhere

(Repeat chorus)

(Bridge:) And I'll be right behind your shoulder,
watching you I'll be standing by your side in all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe

(Repeat chorus)


.

candles and blessings~

Happy Birthday to me.
Officially my age turns to 27,
well, maybe not so big.
But i've been blessed nonetheless.
Here i am once again,
Raise my hands to worship You,
I wanna say Thank You,
Thank You.

For everything,
For who You are,
You've covered me and touched my heart,
I wanna say Thank You,
Thank You.

Thank You, Father God,
For the abundance of blessing in my life.
From family to friends,
To just having a life to live.
Everything that just so constantly reminds me of Your love for me.

To those who sent texts and e-mails,
Thanks so much.
I really appreciate it.

To those who called,
(Or tried to call.. Hahaha. Sorry, Kim! I was on the phone just now!)
Thank you too,
U guys deserved a hug from me.

To my PiaGroup friends,
Thanks for the arrangement,
I love you guys.
Thank you for being a part of my 27 years.


.

last day of 26 years old ~

Birthday's in tomorrow,
yeah ~ i'll turn to 27 years old within 24 hours.
The 14th of November.
its mean that today is my last day of 26 years old,
Okay, fine. 27's not that big a number.
but whatever.
thinking of celebrating with my new friends in kk at first,
but too lazy to plan anything,
and it's quite stupid to have a celebration for 27 years old *sigh*

At last i've decided there is still no party celebration,
it's gonna be a quiet dinner with few valuable friends.
i'm only asking a handful of people.
not more than 3.. lol..

Why?
Because I just want have a warm and quiet dinner, that's why.

Who's invited?
You'll find out... may be you, you and you.. LoL...

how about my brother and sister?
eee... i really not expect two of them got 'time' to entertain me.. :-(

how about my JihMui?
because you girls are JihMui, not valuable friends for me.. lol.. jkjk

how about my gang at Glasgow?
y'all are not invited becasue of the 'distance'... LoL.

how about my gang in hsbc?
seriously, i only think of you guys now... lol.. jkjk

and how about my piagroup friends?
we can have party some other time.. definitely... lol

I'll up-date here again how's my dinner tomorrow night,
but listen.... dont expect any photos to be upload for you guys... ;-)
i gonna be happy today..
since today is my last day of 26 years old,
so... someone out there, dont pissed me off today ya..
and tomorrow, i gonna go to island.... with myself!!
anyone of you want to give me surprise? lol..

.

Face it ~ Admit it ~

Face it ~

No one cares if you're happy or not.

They care only about you making them happy.

So once they're happy with you making them happy,

They automatically come to assume that you, in making them happy.

Most of the time,

Even if they want you to be happy,

Why? So it makes them happy.

.
Admit it ~

People are selfish.

.
Get it?
They never work in your favour lest it benefits them.

It doesn't help that people are so unreliable.

Those people who always come to you with their problems,

Aren't there to listen to yours.

Typical.

.

Damn it!

When they going to learn?
When are them learn that they can't use people like this?
When are them learn that not everything will go their way?

When are them learn to stop manipulating people to get their way?

.

I've kept quiet all this while.

I've tried to brush it aside.

'Cos I thought,"Hey, maybe they'll realise it and change it themselves."

But finally ~

They pushing me away.

.

i forgive you ~

Went to church yesterday.

It was something totally unexpected.

Totally.

But after the woship,

I feel like there is some forgiving I have to do.

I don't know specifically who I'm supposed to forgive..

But I feel that it has to be done.

So..

Whatever you've done,

Whatever you've said,

Though I've never said it before,

And though it may not even matter now anymore,

Just to make things right:

I forgive you.

And I'm sorry for waiting so long to say it.

.

part of a fool ~

yea.. fall in love with a song recently, the title for this song is 'part of a fool' which sang by Malaysia local singer - Juwita Suwito. i noticed this song from EiValne's blog, thanks gal, thanks for letting me know the title for this song... *hugz*

friends... enjoy this song ya..





Song title : Part of A Fool
Singer: Juwita Suwito

I've been there before And I just ca'nt let go
I''ve been there before And I just can''t let go
The memory and pain of the hurt I know
Now deep in the night And there''s passion inside
Dare I follow my heart
An innocent smile
Then a walk in the night
There it''s dinner at home served with candle light
And it''s been quite a while
Since I felt good inside
Dare I follow my heart

Do I fell something special inside of you
Do I know what you''re really think of me
And the raindrops keep falling into my heart
And j just can''t deny what feels so right
Do I let myself go and feel the rain
Or should I play with caution and refrain
Whatever I do when it comes to you
I know sometimes love plays the part of a fool
I know what''s in store Though I can''t say much more
A chance worth the taking has open its door
And I can''t say I love you And I can''t sayI don''t
But I do wish I knew

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


爱情的傻子(中译)　

我曾经历过 而我无法忘怀
我知道回忆带给我痛苦　
现在在深夜里 心中有股热情
我任凭自己跟着感觉走　
一个天真的笑容 让我在外漫走彻夜不归　
虽然家中温暖的烛光晚餐在等着我　
心中未曾快乐过 我任凭自己跟着感觉走　

我真的感受到你内心的特别吗　
我真的知道你是怎么看待我的吗
心中的雨未曾停过 美好的感觉如此真实而无法否认
我应该不顾一切去感受雨滴　
或是应该先玩火再克制
不论我做了什么　 都是为你
我清楚有时爱情让人变成傻子　
我知道是什么 虽然我不能再多说了　
就是我把握了一个机会希望它为我打开另一扇门　
我不能说我爱你 我又不能说我不爱你
但我真希望我知道该怎么做


.

thanks doug~

Sometimes people admit to doing some things even though they didn't to make you feel better about what you did.......These are friends whom you should keep forever and ever.


*Thanks Doug* He called me all the way from Glasgow and spent close an hour talking to me.....If he is not a real friend, I don't know who is!

.

Memories are JUST memories..

the place and people are still the same
yet the feeling are all different now
we were so close that time
but now, everything was changed,
not because of the distance
u are so near to me now,
but there is an invisible wall between us
i wonder since when the wall was built...
but i know that its not our fault,
and finally accepted its our fate,
if Father God makes this way for us,
then we gotta accept it with thanksgiving heart,
because i know that he loves everyone of us,
i know that he will definitely arrange the best for us,
and now, i hope that our friendship remain unchanged,
i hope that we can be forever friend..


" i saw your face
in a crowded place
but i dont know what to do
cause i never be with u..
but its time to face the truth
i will never be with you"


.

spare tyre ~

dear you, how would i not understand how it feels like to be a 'spare tyre'? to be called upon when needed, to not be at the top of someone's head until god knows when? to be the last resort? i fully understand your feeling right now.....

many a time you have been taken for granted, many a time you have been deppreciated,, and honestly, i know it hurts!! of course it hurts!! but then again, it only takes time for one to reliaze that it hurts only because hold high opinion of yourself in the first place. i mean, one only needs to learn to be humble to really feel contented. but who are you to expect to be in the first place?
of course, it would be good to be at the top of someone's mind, yet even if you are not, it doesn't really matter, does it? there are other peoples who put you on the top of their mind. lol. :-)

its so hard to get a true friends nowadays, i wish that you could have more true friends than friends, once you have found a true friend, make sure you do everything to hold onto it..


.

i found out something!

i found out something!!

the less you know, the happier you are, the happier you are, the longer life you have!!! so i'm gonna act like don't know anything... *smile*

all of sudden i feel like i need a hug... i believe that i am the one to choose my state of mind, because no one can make me happy except myself, samething, no one can make me unhappy but myself as well, it's just depends on how i think and react towards the situation.

swimming is good, it takes my mind off things, and i only wanna go to the end of the pool. yea.. i love swimming, i will go to swimmng today ~ lol..

.

never turn back ~

i burst into tears 2 times in 24 hours. the first time was sour, and the second time is bittersweet, and i have a feeling this will probably be a most tearful week. :-(

two peoples, i know it's impossible to forget all the memories we have together, the laughs and tears, the jokes and the promises we shared, we both know that we have to face the reality after we wake up ...

two people, thanks for impacted my life.
two people, thanks for trully blessed me and affected me.
two people, thanks for treated me with sincerity.
two people, thanks for kept the promised.
two people, thanks for being a part of my life.

looking back at the road that we've all walked together, how far we've gone so far,
and now, we are taking a different path, detached, away,
leaving memories, blessings, and footprints in our life,
two people, never turn back....
because we can't turn back the clock.

two people, we should looking forward in our future, we should looking a new hope and a new dream, and walking step by step to pursue that dream. and yea...
two people, i believe that we can do it .. >_<>

life is a gift ~

Received an e-mail from my friend which i love it very much ~ it's meaningful !!


Life is a Gift
Appreciate what you have....

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her.
She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry herboyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can seeeverything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?".
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, andrefused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying,"Just take care of my eyes dear."

This is how human brain changes when the status changed.

Only few remember what life was before,
and who's always been there even inthe most painful situations.

Life Is A Gift~
Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
When you are tired and complain about your job - Think of theunemployed, the disable and those who wished they had your job.
Before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

When depressing thoughts seem to get you down,
Put a smile on your faceand be thankful you're alive and still around.

Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it.


.

because of love?

have you ever wondered why when family members have an arguement, yet in the end they still get back together?
have you ever wondered why when friends disagree on something and have a misunderstanding yet in the end they laugh about the whole thing?
have you ever wondered why people help each other?

it's all because of LOVE. many things happened around me and i realised that if there is no LOVE in this world, there would be nothing! and i thanks God for introducing Love to the earth.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son...that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life!!!!!

i learnt something very valuable yesterday in church...
there will always be sunshine after the rain.
there will always be rainbow after a storm.
follow Jesus because he is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE.


.

dear you ~

dear you~
i wanna help you,
i really do.
i want you to be happy, to be able to live a "guilt-free" life,
i want you to be able to stand up straight,
i want you to live life....

dear God~
i want the supernatural ability to make people happy,
i want to be able to give them exactly what they need,
i want to be able to solve every problem they have,
i want to be able to dry their every tears,
i want to be able to say the "right" things at the right time.
i want to be a blessing to others, not a burden,
i wanna bring them to you,
i wanna bring them out of depression,
i wanna let them know that you are the only one they can truly depends on.


my prayers be able to touch the heart of God, i believe that...
truly blessed by God, i'm sure i am...
depends on God, i'm trying my best ...
i realized that i am very small indeed,
i realized that solving matters with what i know,
simply cannot compare with how God solves things.

so please... all of you who are reading this,
if anyone of you feel down caused of hardship and adversity,
and not able to find a way,
please - pray
please - have faith,
please - depends on him.
and i'll pray on behalf of y'all definitely..

faith is the strongest thing someone can ever have.
never forget ~ GOD IS AWESOME.. amen.


.

:-( *sigh*

argh... my throat feels so much worse, its started getting really bad since this early morning, i only slept at 4am but woke up at 7am, the sleep was restless though, kept waking up every so often, damn it all... i'm afraid of lost my voice, as my parents will be coming here this wednesday to attend my cousin wedding dinner, wish that i'll be fine within the next 2 days... if not, i will be hiding myself away from them, they must be scold me for not taking care of myself :-( besides, it's suffering about not having any voice, my friends must be laugh if they heard that i lose my voice.. *eye roll* bet they will feel a little relieve from my annoying... ;p

ok, leaving now.... i need to continue my sleep... wish that i could feel better after wake up then...


.

come on ~ click on it!!!

hi friends... found a really interesting link!! it's kinda accurate th things it says.. out of the mathematical calculations or something,,, it's really cool...!!! hahaha.... there mght be things u wanna hear, if not... hmmm.. it's worth a try.. so come on.. just click on it and answer the questions..

http://www.crush007.com/v2/predict/1162087790kan

anyone ever have this kind of sense?

Have you ever been in an uncomfortable situation - not like an awkward conversation - where a person makes you feel so uneasy that you become stressed for no reason? What I mean is, can you realize just how much you 'dislike' that person right away?

It isn't like you can hear their thoughts, nothing like that, just a great feeling inside your own soul. It is their spirit you don't agree with on a personal or general level and you can't decide at all what is you know about them or feel about them, you just know that it makes you very uncomfortable.

Yeah, there is someone like that besides me. They make me so uncomfortable as mentioned above in my first paragraph and i dont know what to do ~


.

i'm just so tired ~

when i wish i'm on a peaceful beach... full of wind and breeze... white sandy beach... away from this world ....

when i wish i can stop time...

when i want someone to feel how i feel, see what i see, think what i think, hear what i hear, taste what i taste, sense what i sense...

when i wish there's someone who is there to understand me so much that i dont need to say what i'm thinking about .....

when time like this ~ i'm just so tired ~
days been hectic.. and very pressurizing... and getting pissed off easily... :-(


.

I WAS TAGGED!!

get the below test from mel's blog, it's fun.. ~ here we go ~


Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head.

1: pheiling
2: wei
3: tshin
4: su nye
5: dovn
6: caumei
7: charl
8: henry
9: fion
10: sean
11: chwan
12: elaiza
13: linda
14: kim
15: doug
16: farah
17: jenn
18: mel
19: sahar
20: rita


How did you meet 14?
kim? met him the 1st day i arrived glasgow, he came and knock ... knock... the door bell... (kim, still remember?)

What would you do if you have never met 1?
my life would be so so much less sweet . . . . ( not quite answering the question because I don’t know what I would do. Hahaha. )

What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
that’s so wrong…. Terribly wrong… i believe that fion perfer guy more than gals... !!!! rita.. stop your imagination!!!!

Did you ever like 19?
yeah.... she’s my chick, how to be frens if I don’t like her BUT.... not that kind ya... i prefer guy more than chick as well...lol.

Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
HEY!!! NO WAY… caumei and jenn... please don!!!

Describe 3.
He is my best best friend and my ex-classmates in high school, a friend that pampered me a lot.. (i must admit) and keep in touch till now.... i can cry as loud as i want in front of him, a shoulder to lean on, a good listener and advicer. he dare to flight back from KL because of i cried in the phone when he called me!! i miss him... and cherished his friendhsip.....

Do you think 8 is attractive?
he’s quite good looking just that not available anymore… his attitude attracts people… (and i am one of the people... lol), i like his words : ~ no matter what, girl friend is for pamper, girl friend is my queen!!) he got high marks from me because of this word!!!! ;-P

Tell me something about 7:
he is my head in pia group!! lol. same age with me... but i older than him 14 days!!! he is still single, his is outgoing, friendly, talkative, funny, he can drink and dance very well.... and emhemmmm..... he quite stylo.. conclusion.. he is a great friend of mine..

Do you know any of 12's family?
yea.... i knew all of them.... unless her father!! :-P

What's 18's favourite?
can disclose here? wine & ... ? chick, am i right? i wil be kill by her...

What would you do if 10 confesses that he/she likes you?
i am sure of course he likes me ...... as a friend!! if not, how can we to be friend?

Who is 9 going out with?
of course with her friends, those who are admirer her? :-P

How old is 16 now?
that’s private and confidential.. haha

When was the last time you talked to 13?
2 - 3 weeks ago... she is busy with her own stuff recently...

Who's 2's favourite band/singer?
hmm… no specific band/singer I guess. . . . . . . (haha... actually i really dont know)

Would you date 4?
why not... date her out to have a drink... (but seldom honestly... because i kept her in my heart, not meet everyday) *hugs*

Would you date 7?
nope... i wont date him out 1-1... hahaha.. preferably hang out in a group..

Is 15 single?
he told me he still..... but how do i know? he is so far away ?

What's 10's last name?
LAI

Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
what on earth…….NEVER...........

Which school does 3 go to?
my school and he sits just right next to me… long long time ago...

Where does 6 live?
last time she is my neighbour, lives in Taman Ridgeview, but recently she worked in KL.

What's your favourite thing about 5?
sincere….



.

what connie really want?

wanna know how connie feels now?
wanna know what connie really wants?

wants to go to the island.
lie down on the sand.
swimming and snorkelling in the sea.
feeel the breeze and listen to the wave crash.


anybody interested to give me that??



.

some pictures of my QQ

I want to cry right now. how can my QQ be the same one that i watched leave me forever on last night...?

.

Tears me away from these thoughts. Tears me away from these memories. I guess last night it didn't tear me away soon enough, because I started remembering QQ again...........

.

pictures were taken when QQ jsut 3 weeks old, when i bought him at

KDCA, Penampang on 30th May 2006

.

pictures were taken when i noticed QQ was sick yesterday morning around 10.30am.

.

pictures were taken when QQ in vet's clinic, he was nearly die.. :-( he not even have energy at that time..

.

picture was taken when i bring him back from vet, i feed him some medicine,

his body very weak at that time, and i knew that he wil leave me anytime,

but i still hoping that 'miracle' wil happen to QQ.

My QQ leave me finally, he was struggling so much and was breathing so hard. He’d laid there and died under my petting, his eyes didn’t close, even i tried to close it.. but failed..

.

how can i feeling better?

everytime when i came home from outside, i would called his name and feed him, take him out from his cage and hug him, i love him very much, i feed and care him day in and day out, i bathed him every once in a week, bring him to the playground to let him free, he is the only one who'd cuddle with me when i was lonely, cold, or scared, unfortunately, i need to change all these habit from now on, because he was leave me forever.. yeah .... forever.... :'(

he is my pet, my sole companion, even he just a rabbit named QQ, but i treated him as my 'good boy', sometimes i think of him as a part of my family member. a pet that can accompany me when i'm alone, a pet that can play with me and just be my side when i dont feel like talking. i talked with him when no one else listen to me, i shared my secret with him and i know that he wont tell a soul, for me, he is someone over there and never judged, he is someone always there and never leave me if i cry and would listen even though he probably not understand my words. i knew that he cant stay with me forever, like all living things, wil surely die at some point. i understand, just that i keep wondering is that my fault to caused him died?

QQ died and it caused me to remember other painful losses and upsetting events in my past, may be for a while, i may not feel anything at all. but right now, at this moment, i dont know what's wrong with me, i feel like crying non stop, nobody can understand my feeling now, and i pissed that people telling me that he was just a rabbit, just a pet and i should get over him, hurtful comments 'dont be so upset, it was only a rabbit, a pet!! and ' you can get another one to replace', their thought added me to the grief and feeling of isolation and loneliness, because no one understand how much i love him...

i knew that a new rabbit can't replace my QQ, i'd never have another rabbit just like QQ. i have used to have QQ when he was 3 weeks old, and it was difficult for me to say good-bye and let him go, i extremely sad when he was died and i don't think it's silly, i love him, may be i really need time to let him go and adopt a new one... but not at this moment, i'm sure.


.

He's gone..

As of 8.25pm, QQ's soul was no longer part of the living collective on this earth. You guys probably think it's dumb, but i really hurt and upset about this. I know i look like an idiot now....... ;-( i think i need a hug from y'all....

i don't know what else to say. Maybe i'll have more to update about it later....


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a male voice whispered in a dark ....

Wwwait...... I had to share just one more weird incident was happened just now. Promise. this should be the last before i go to my bed..

just hung up with my friend over the phone, we talked and laughed again about the weird incident we'd experienced earlier on inside the car on my way back. one of my friend was shared with me and another friend about the real ghost stories was happened to his friend, 3 of us was inside the car with super cold air-condition, i was sit at the back alone, my heart start panic a bit when i realised that there is really dark and the environment a bit weird, especially my friend was reduced the volume of the music to concentrate listen to the stories, when my friend was described about the ghost 'look' and in a suddened, we heard a male voice whispered in the dark with a super good timing...... oh gosh.... i was shocked and shouted without any further thought .... aaaarhhhhhh....... my another 2 friends was shouted as well followed after my shouted... but guess what?............ ??????????????? f* stupid...!! it's just a phone message tone!!!! it's a kind of freaky and creepy... LoL.... it's kinda fun when i think back... damn silly...

it's proven that we shouldn't talk about 'sensitive' topic especially in night time and the most important is... DONT EVER use voice ringtone for incoming calls or message esp at night... it's really weird!!!!

well my friends, that's all for tonight, i gonna go to bed now ~ good night *hugz*



.

my confession??

my weekend was fun but it wasn't all good. i'd went out last night with my buddies to shenni, had intention of getting very drunk earlier, i was told myself must be handle myself very well if i really drunk before my drink, i remind myself tat i shouldn't do or say anything that embarrassing to myself or anyone else. but unfortunately, i was totally out of control to myself at last, my ex-colleagues was extremely worried about me and called my sister to send me home.

this morinng, i've been thinking about myself a lot, especially i tried my best to recall back what had happened last night, look at my mistakes, analyze my behaviour and weakness, i can't express how bad I feel about how I've been behaving last night. I don't know how to make up for it, or to apologize. I can correct my actions in the future but how can I make up for the past? i was depressed yesterday evening and i know that i shouldn't take any alcohol last night as i can roughly predict i might lose control and get drunk badly :-( certainly if i didn't think so much i could relax and enjoy things, i have more fun and things would certainly be a lot more confortable. Sometimes, i don't know what will make the situation better, i don't know what i need... or may be i feel stuck.

sometimes i am thinking what is the point of get drunk? peoples get drunk because they really like to drink? because they enjoy the feeling of drunk? because of they are lonely, sad, depressed? because of social event or look cool? surprisingly my brother's do sms me this early morning, he knew from his friends that i was get stoned last night. ~ ~ i'm saying when you go out and drink, go ahead and i never stop you, but don't drink beyond what your body can take ~ ~ this is his sms to me, he always treated me the best and understand my mind, but his sms makes me felt bad and ashamed *shoot me now* ;-( he chosen to believe me and respect my lifestyle, he always shown his care for me, makes me know that no matter what happen to me, he is not far away from me, he always there to lead me up.. *hug* yea.. i love him.. ;-) Other then all this, there's really nothing else worth mentioning.

but the conclusion today is..... i must.... control my behaviour after drunk!!! and reduce my drink in the future. *promise*


.

hi there....

guess i haven't been around for anybody lately...my apologies ~

wow blogger...it's been a while. i've been busy lately..i guess? so yea, there's alot of shit goin on right now ;-( yea... i'm really busy this few days.. so... i just drop by to say hi.. to my friends... will update more soon ya.. *smile*



.

gonna ZZzzzzzz now...

hey... it's 4.15am now. and i haven't sleep yet. i have talked over the phone with one of my friend more than 3 hours... bet i could have a nice dream later. so yeah... i gonna ZZzzzzzzz now.. ;-) good night to all of my dearest friends... *hugzz*

.

~ 退後 ~

recently, i'd addicted to this song... it's very nice. share with y'all ~

do click here to listen: http://s2.7t7t.com/pycs/Z/2006958186191/81913205.Wma


名: 退後 歌手: 周傑倫

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由
酸酸的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黃的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气
你我的过去
被深深真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼淚是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空
我知道我们都没有错
只是放手比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由
酸酸的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黃的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气
你我的过去
被深深真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼淚是多余

我知道你我都没有错
是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空
我知道我們都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情会一定带去

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去(待续)
(相信你我还会有开始
只因我们都没有错)




.

what's wrong?

i dont know what's wrong with me lately, one minute i'm very happy, the next minute i feel like crying, if put my mood on a graph, it prolly would be like this __/\/\/\/ LOL. it's either i'm getting nearer to insanity, or my menses are coming soon ...........


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chinese quotes ~

i received an e-mail from my friend, which it's quite meaningful. share with y'all ~

** Click for full size view**