my confession??

my weekend was fun but it wasn't all good. i'd went out last night with my buddies to shenni, had intention of getting very drunk earlier, i was told myself must be handle myself very well if i really drunk before my drink, i remind myself tat i shouldn't do or say anything that embarrassing to myself or anyone else. but unfortunately, i was totally out of control to myself at last, my ex-colleagues was extremely worried about me and called my sister to send me home.

this morinng, i've been thinking about myself a lot, especially i tried my best to recall back what had happened last night, look at my mistakes, analyze my behaviour and weakness, i can't express how bad I feel about how I've been behaving last night. I don't know how to make up for it, or to apologize. I can correct my actions in the future but how can I make up for the past? i was depressed yesterday evening and i know that i shouldn't take any alcohol last night as i can roughly predict i might lose control and get drunk badly :-( certainly if i didn't think so much i could relax and enjoy things, i have more fun and things would certainly be a lot more confortable. Sometimes, i don't know what will make the situation better, i don't know what i need... or may be i feel stuck.

sometimes i am thinking what is the point of get drunk? peoples get drunk because they really like to drink? because they enjoy the feeling of drunk? because of they are lonely, sad, depressed? because of social event or look cool? surprisingly my brother's do sms me this early morning, he knew from his friends that i was get stoned last night. ~ ~ i'm saying when you go out and drink, go ahead and i never stop you, but don't drink beyond what your body can take ~ ~ this is his sms to me, he always treated me the best and understand my mind, but his sms makes me felt bad and ashamed *shoot me now* ;-( he chosen to believe me and respect my lifestyle, he always shown his care for me, makes me know that no matter what happen to me, he is not far away from me, he always there to lead me up.. *hug* yea.. i love him.. ;-) Other then all this, there's really nothing else worth mentioning.

but the conclusion today is..... i must.... control my behaviour after drunk!!! and reduce my drink in the future. *promise*


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