keep on and keeping on~

That's all i'm doing lately... Keep on and keeping on... i'm trying to get through each day and make it look like i'm doing okay.

You can keep on going no matter what, and if you're numb to everything it's harder to get hurt... If you have low expectations you can't be let down... I used to care about stuff .... a lot...... and my emotions were often intensely painful... Life has taught me to just stop caring, in order to survive... Dunno if that's a good thing or a bad thing... I tell myself that being alive and getting stuff accomplished each day is better than not... So I guess that's good?

The Sweetest Thing~

So, I didn't do anything today except work out at fitness club and watched out a movie qith Jack. Oh well, that's what Sundays are for.

I watched a movie just now with Jack. The Sweetest Thing. Hahaha, it made me laugh because girls actually act like that. Laughing is so much fun. Although, it's kind of weird when you laugh and no much peoples in the room. lol..

That's all for now!
Byeee and goodnight everyone~

YaY!!! No more tears for now!!

So, I bawled my eyes out for a good hour and a half about somethings. I wish I could turn crying into something more productive. lol .. Oh well, I suppose cryings better than doing other things? Who knows.

Anyway, you notice that after you cry near your lower eyelid it gets really soft? It feels cool. Haha. Next time any of you cry, see what I'm talkin about. Although, I hope none of you cry because it absolutely blows.

Anyhow, tomorrow should be a good day. I actually believe I'm going to be happy now. At least, I hope so. If I don't think about things, then I should be good.

Do u realize?

Sometimes, we get so busy with our lives.... and day after day, all the things that we experienced is like a circle.... No ending!~ Now, u might be watching tv, and the next moment u realize, you are going to work tomorrow...! I wonder whether we can actually stop the time for even one second..! i know we cant : (

When is the last time u actually gaze at the sky and look at the stars? When is the last time you smell the scent of a beautiful flower? When is the last time u actually take a deep breath? For me.... there are many things in life that we won't appreciate until the moment we lost it..!~

During a black-out, i think that is the only time we realize that we are blessed with electricity or even clean running water....

I reaLLy love this song....!!~ "there is none like you, no one else can touch my heart like you do, I could search for all eternity long and find....... there is none like you.... " This is so touching and real.

it's time to quick the negativity

Well, the majority of my entries have been negative.
I guess it's because I'm in such a bitchy mood.
So I'm sorry.

Tomorrow's a new day,
and hopefully it will be better than today.
I just can't help being so sick of people...
All I want to do is cry and I don't really know why...
But tomorrow has to be better...

i miss seaside~

I'm kind of down. I guess i've been kinda down lately. I hate overthinking things and becoming paranoid, but it's so hard. I mean, in the perfect world I'd tell myself to stop, and I actually would. It's a bad habits.

I really hope i'm just being paranoid, and I hope what i'm thinking isn't correct. I'd feel so broken. What can I do?

Anyway, I really miss Seaside. When I'm there i don't need to worry about any single things. It's so fresh and wonderful, some people might think it's sleezy, but i absolutely adore it.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better than today.

crash into me... real hard!!

So, the past two weeks i've been feeling like complete shit.
I have really bad cramps that make me lay down and cry.
It absolutely blows. I cannot wait until others figure out what's wrong with me completely.

Social .... but lonely~

I did my best to be social tonight. I decided I didn't need to sit at my home, I could afford a little break.

I hung out with some friends I don't normally hang with. I'm left sitting here missing my old friends... the ones who i treasure the most. I miss him and it's really weird. It's like even in the company of other peoples, I feel more alone than when I'm by myself.

I think there's something wrong with that, that's not how it's supposed to be. I know I can make it through it... hopefully I'll start feeling like my regular self again when I'm around people I'm comfortable with again.

I hate bad mood!!

I've been in a bad mood for a week. No real reason for it as far as I can tell. I think just a lot of little things, and especially my frustration over one of my buddy.

On the plus side, I got to talk to NC tonight. I felt bad because he was trying so hard to cheer me up but nothing really worked. There were a few times when he got me to smile... and that felt great. It's comforting really, he has gotten me into a slightly better mood.

Today totally blew~

I cried too much today.
I cried too much everyday.

Oh well, life goes on.
I'll just accept it and deal. Suck it up and deal.
I seriously don't know what I'd do without the two lovely ladies who actually care about what's going on with me. Evelyn and Valerie. You listen to me complain about stupid things, even though, they aren't that stupid. Anyway, thank you much sweeties!!

Hmm. Caring too much=major disappointment.
So for all you kiddies out there, I suggest you don't care about people that much. Because it hurts like a bitch when they don't care about you, or at least don't put an effort to show you that they care.

great friday night

Last night was wonderful. I had a great time and was able to lose myself in the moment enough to forget about everything else for a while.

Just got off a 3 hour and 40 minute phone call. We haven't hung out alone, Only have interacted on a professional level. So great.

Breaking me and rebuild me~

I’ve had it.
I’ve had it with treating everyone like they’re VIPs.

What’s the point man? I was there all along,
And I was always there when you needed me,
Or even when you didn’t need me,
Even if I had my own issues to deal with..

But,
When I needed you, and you weren’t there.
Its not so much that you weren’t there.
But more that you didn’t care enough to be there.
And how I wish I could say I don’t mind at all.

If hearts were able to break into million pieces,
Mine would break into ten million this instant.
Pray for me, people..
Im needing a lot of strength now,
Quite near the verge of breaking down,
But im holding on tight to HIM.
I know that he is breaking me and rebuild me,
A better version of me for HIM.

And I know..
I need prayer and more prayers…


I

What a friend is supposed to do?

I want someone who will love me for who I am,
who will lend me his/her shoulder to cry on when im down,
to support me to all ends in achieving my dreams,
and go to all ends to stop me when im killing myself,
and bring me back to my path when I am astray.

I want someone that I can depend and trust on,
someone who never turn away from me even if the whole world does,
someone who will listen to the truckloads of things I wanna say,
someone to help me along the way when I am weak,
and celebrate with me when I am strong and happy.

Someone to give me a slap on the face when I need one,
and make sure that I recover from it properly,
someone that I will, cherish and treasure and keep for the rest of my life.”

Doesn’t it all sound like what a friend is supposed to do?

I'm confused??

Well, this seriously is confusing me.
This thing changed overnight?
I swear, it's crap.
I don't like it, and I don't know how to get my friends back. Blahhhh.

Wayyy too much confusion!
It's not a good thing!

Im BACK!!!

I'm back!
my blog have been dead for months -_-
since im nothing to do,
then try to drop few words here.