About Flirtatious

Well, lately i've been kinda talking with a friend and like flirting I could say , i think it's more of a flirtatious friendship or something.. haha. I know that if he and me continue hooking up things will get harder for me. 

It's ridiculous! But damn.. it is fun to flirt with him in the meantime!!What the heck is wrong with me!

Dear Mr. Santa Claus

Dear Mr. Santa Claus~

Can you please burning my blues and get me into christmasy mood? Im feeling blues deep down inside my heart.. can you please take away my blues and let me have a happy thankgiving heart?

All i want from you is a peaceful mind and happy heart.... am i too old to get a christmas gift from you?

Im just boring, so i figure out~

TEN things you wish you could say to 10 people:

1. you're a two-faced hypocrite bastard, i hope you get what you deserve. you seriously need to r learn how to be a good friend. you get upset over the most ridiculous things and im tired of it. why do i even keep forgive you?? i cant believe that the 3 years im wasted my friendship on you!!! i do miss you sometimes, but i know it's not worth it, you're not worth it. I dont know why you still has this effect on me, im sick of it.

2. you're my best friend in the whole world, but lately it feels like we're drifting. I miss you, I miss our sleepovers, miss our huge conversations. Are you coming back for CNY?

3. im really sorry, i guess i've messed you up. i sincerely wish you know that you were my friend. yes... i only wish to keep you as my friend.. forever friend!!

4. you are such a great nice girl, i just wish a guy would recognized that and treat you like you should be treated. i love you rita!!! for being there for me, like you've always been, and just being a fun loving girl no matter what shit you are going through. hold tight to our friendship and i wish that we never loose touch.

5. i miss you without you realising!! i care about you so much, and you're never going to know. and that is ok.. somethings are better left unsaid!! Im always always there for you. I dont want to say it to you because some words are meant to keep in heart.

6. dude, you truly wonderful!!! you always makes me laugh crazily and looks like idiot!! hahaha.. im great that we are friends and thanks for always brighen me up!!

7. you are always on my mind, thanks for being a part of my life, but i finally over you. thanks for still keeping me as friend and always there for me..

8. i wish you can be yourself. say what you mean, not what you think i love to hear.. i know you pampered me and i love that so much. .. yooohhh..... you are a good friend for sure!! don forget my chocolate when u back for CNY!!! lol

9. you are a good companion.. you bring hapiness to me, brigthen me up with your sily witty jokes.. but sometimes you're kinda annoying.. hehehehe...

10. its tired to have a workmates like you. i wish that you all the best in your career and learn not to calculate and compare too much.

NINE things about yourself.

1. sometimes i think i'm a waste of a life.

2. can't go a day without my mobile and laptop... seriously.

3. a truly lucky girl.. i believe

4. a picky eater..

5. im happy.. for real.. just that sometimes i feel empty

6. lack of confidence

7. friends are important to me

8. love being alone

9. easily feel touching with small things

EIGHT ways to win your heart.
1. be responsible
2. be understanding when im down
3. always be there for me
4. be romantic
5. have inside jokes with me
6. pamper me
6. know how to handle me
7. love me for who i am

8. charm and care of my family and friends

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot.

1. HP mini or Apply Mac

2. shop or stay home today

3. chicken nudget or sausage

4. is he wake up yet

5. wonder if he is busy

6. singapore or hometown

7. random jokes/things that make me laugh

SIX things you do before you fall asleep.

1. brush my teeth

2. change my pjs

3. apply my skin care

4. chat with online friend

5. charge my mobile

6. think and cry ( sometimes )

FIVE friends who mean a lot at the moment.

1. dovern

2. denis

3. may

4. jacky

5. rita

FOUR things you see right now:

1. my laptop

2. my blanket

3. my ipod touch

4. my mobile

THREE things you hate the most:

1. hate people who lied

2. hate people who love to show off

3. hate dramatic king/queen

TWO things you want to do before you die:

1. marry a man i'm completely in love with.

2 have twins

ONE confession

im weird i guess...

As usual~

As usual, I rushed to the office and quickly switched on my laptop. It’s a routine that I’ll have my breaksfast and surf the net before I start to clear my emails and work. I went to facebook, blogs and forum as per normal.

So bored at work, so I decided to surf the net AGAIN and update my blog. I know what you guys must be thinking. Hey.. why she’s so FREE at work! Yup! I am !!! because i've been reached my sales target this month!!! yoohooo!!!! my boss is in a good mood after she back from holiday!!!

Feeling kinda moodless today... :( I dunno why too. Mayb it's because i totally bored at work today and my period gonna come soon. The 2nd reason makes more sense i guess. LoL. Getting all moody and I tend to think negatively. Aiyo... Y am I like this??? Goodness~ I cant tolerate myself..... Human out there!!! im so bored.. life becoming dull again!!! anyone can save me???????

May be, just MAYBE....

Maybe i should also assume that it is not important. at least not to u.

maybe i should just say "oh. it slipped my mind"

maybe i should just let it be and change my ways.

maybe i should just do wat I think is right.

Different understandings among two individuals

 lead to misunderstandings.

i love my chats with Sid!!

I stayed the whole all night long at home. Most likely because my stomach was bothering me all night, but what can i do? Just have to suck it up until i see my doctor.

Mum and myself were on the phone for quite awhile today. Talking about things/people. You know how we do. Gossip. It's bad, but oh so good!!!

Besides, thousand of thanks to sid, one of my long lost high school mates. Im so touched that he sacrificed his sleeping time just to accompanied me during my sleepless night. Im great that get in touch with him again. :) well, he is a silly dude, he grown up and changed alot. I love my chat with him as i always end up laughing because of his not so witty remarks.

Sid wil come back kk here for 2009 CNY. I'm very excited because I adore spending time with my bunch of high school mates!!! Sid.. waiting for you to come back and reunion ya~ *cheers*

i realised his love!!

I realised something.
My brother wants the best for me.
As long as it's reasonable and he able to give me.
He give whole heartedly.

How can i not be thankful with such a brother?
Even if he dont give as much.
Even if he just show that his love and care in other ways.

At the end of the day...
I reliased his love!!
I AM truly blessed!!!

waves hello

Hello dear humans out there~

Some things had happened badly these few days, or maybe weeks.
Most of them werent that very pleasing...
Well, i didnt want them to happen, but it did.
I guess thats life, huh? :)

I left some friends i love dearly, and i still do.
I left cause i was disappointed, by someone that spoil my happiness.
And i hatred. They put the blame on me.
And even denied everythng they said.
But i'm not sad or depressed.

I dont cry that much no more,
I know that its good for me to move on..
I accept the fact that friends are comes and goes..
I wont dying for friends who are really turned me down..
As i know, nothing for me to lose..

I still smile and hang out with my other friends .

Thank you :) They actually touched my heart with their understanding.

I realise that somehow.

I have finally burst out everything in my heart so long ago..

I really can stand up and face all problems in one go..

I smile when I'm sad or in any hard times.
Thanks to them :) I likes you guys.
Not because of you guys side on me.
But the real understanding on me.
And the all caring words that reached my heart.

And the other side of friends,
Y'all may misunderstand what i say and why i left.
But its okay, big thank you to every single memory we made,
Those were history. But histories to keep for sure :)
Thank youuuuuu. I never meant to walk away with an unexplained reason.
But somehow, i dont want to say anything more.
All i can say is i'm truly madly really seriously hold tight with our friendship.
Just that im totally tired with it anymore.

All i want is just a happy life..
Simplicity friendship is what i looking at.
Review my friendlist,
I realised some true colours of yours.
Walk away is the best solution.
Give up is my only choice..

thanks note for 3 dudes

Derrick, Denis and Dovern~

Thank you so so much for being there for me guys.
with the C!-O!-N!-N!-I!-E! CONNIEEEEEE thingy and all.
It was really touching being trusted by you guys!!!
Thanks for not dump me alone when the whole world walks out from me!!
I will find strength to move on~
and i promise.. no more tears from now!!

love you guys~ *hug*

DAMM IT!!! Get out from my life!!

Not everyone can please you the way you want to be pleased. right?
Why do you have to always complain about being left out?
Why do you get mad and sad for no reason at all?
Why do you deny words that you said?
Why do you still pretending now not admit it?
Why do you hide your true colours in front of them?
Why do you hurt my feelings once and once again?

I'm tired of saying the same stuffs to you over again!
I'm tired of forgive you once and once again!!!
Why can't you changed?! *sigh*

Why you want to burst me out?

Why you can just turned me down?

I hate you for what you are doing now!!!

Argh! i've been thinking a lot lately.

Things do get to my brain when i keep thinking over and over again.

I understand a lot of things now.

I do. looking at things much more positively now.

Thats a good thing right?

And i've been thinking.

Why dont you care?

Why dont you understand how i feel sometimes?

I'm not a doll for you to play with.

I am human and i have feelings!

Get the word feeling?

I dont wanna cry over some little things no more!

I'm doing what i'm saying.

No more crying over little things.

I dont mind you playing around with my mind.

But everyone has their own limits ok?

I repeat LIMITS!!

DAMN IT... PLEASE GET OUT FROM MY LIFE!!!

I WONT FORGIVE YOU THIS TIME!!!

YOU ARE FREAKING ANNOYING!!!

AND I HATE YOU,

I HATE MYSELF TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU!!!

Still the old me?

Lately I haven't been feeling quite myself.
I look in the mirror and don't recognize the reflection.
I have a hard time recognizing my wants and desires, not to mention my needs.
I can't seem to find the character I used to have.
I lose my patient to everyone, everything seems will burst out soon.

I pick up my phone, open it, but close it without calling...
I miss my friends and family, but how can they possibly understand me...
It's easier to hide in my busy life. So I work out, I surf, I read, and watch tv.
It means I don't have time to think about my problems.
I don't have to figure myself out.
I don't have to learn to love myself.
I'll just keep hustling through life.

Am i still the old me?

Thank you note for thos eas listed!!!

PROUDLY ANNOUNCE THAT : IM TRULY BLESSED!!!

yea.. thanks for all the text sms during my birthday (after 12.01am on 14/11/2008) check out your name below whether you are on my #top 10# ranking?


1. Ting Ting (12.01am)~
thanks for your blessing my sweetie *hug* we used to be so closed last time, but I need to admit that there’s an invisible wall in between us recently, which I know that we couldn’t get each other mind, but I try my very best to get through it. It's really surprised me that you are the 1st person to greet me vide sms at 12.01am sharp.. lol. *smile*

2. Su Nye (12.04am)~
If you are not my best friend, who else can consider as my best friend.. thanks for being my JihMui, thanks for being a part of my life, i cherished our friendship, and i'm sure that we gotta be forever friend till the end of our life. i love you. *hug*

3. Connie Lao (12.21am)~
thanks for your sms. I really touching as you still remember my birthday, especially during your hard time now. Thanks for your blessings, thanks for your efforts of maintain friendship with me even that we just gathered few times. Please be tough and take good care.*hug*

4. Donna (12.27am)~
thanks for remembered my birthday!! It's mean a lots to me!! I memorize back the time we struggled in KHP... thanks for still keep in touch with me even that we are not work together now, thanks for being my friend. Take care always.

5. Sean (12.39am)~
thanks for your arrangement for my birthday dinner, thanks for your blessings and the sunflower too!!! Thanks for the memorable birthday night!!! Thanks for being my buddy, thanks for being a part of my life, I cherished our friendship, my life not gonna be complete without you. Never ever give up on my friendship even if sometimes my jokes might hurt you, but you know that I don’t mean it!!! Please forgive me ~ we gotta be forever friend.. grown ‘mature’ (old) together… deal? And don’t forget our deal.. i.e. not gonna angry each other for more than 3 hours!!! Hehehe!!!!!

6. Denis (12.42am)~
even that i knew you not that long, but thanks for your blessings, thanks for the birthday and thanks for the Chanel lip gloss and I truly appreciate your efforts on our friendship!!! thank you for the touching words that wrote in the small card!!!! im always willing to be your Ah Mee Jia Jia!!! i got a sense that we can be forever friend.. cheers!

7. Jayson (12.47am)~
wow, surprised surprised surprised!!!!! i never expect your call and your roses.i its really surprised to see you pops out at Qbar and handed me the roses!!!! i love this surprised honestly!! thanks for coming Jayson!!!! This is the 1st time that u say "happy birthday" to me and you are the 7th person to greet me. i couldn't believe it till now… thanks for your blessing, thanks for the roses, and thanks for the surprised!!! *hug*

8. Dovern (1.13am)~
yea.. Luckily your name still under my TOP 10 ranking!!! If not I gonna KILL you!!! Haha… thanks for your blessings and arrangement, it's kind of surprised for me. Even that sometimes we have argument and unhappy moments, but I do feel touching with your gentle and sincerity heart. I treasured you and appreciate with your efforts on our friendship, thanks for being a part of my life. Please be more patient to me and I’ll try my best not to make your blood pressure high (hot) … lol… *promise* thanks for let me S*** you during my birthday night and let me shown all my angered towards you!!! All my sadness and angered gone after the S*** !!!! This is the first time and this is the last I promised!!! *hug*

9. Chi Chwan (8.10am)~
yea.. your blessings sms still in my TOP 10 ranking, totally out of my prediction, hahhaa.. thanks for your sms, thanks for still remember my birthday. Thanks for keep in touch with me and share with me your life in Singapore!! Please come back as soonest possible.. because I gonna introduce many pretty chicks for you!!! *promise*

10. Celing (8.22am)~
gal, even that i only met you few times, but thanks for remember my birthday and thanks for the blessings. do keep in touch with me and im sure we can be good friend. *hugz*

11. Jean (8.55am)~
thanks for your blessings, my dear. knew you for so long but we seldom have chance to hang out and even drink together, let’s arrange a night out together, if you not convenient to clubbing.. hehehe… yam cha also can bah!!! Lol!!! *smile*

12. Esther (8.59am)~
yea.. thanks dear, thanks for your blessing, thanks for your effort on our friendship. Take care always!! *hug*

13. Dayang (9.12am)~
thanks for your sms. i really touching as you still remember my birthday, thanks for your blessings, thanks for your efforts of maintain our friendship with me even that you are worked with KL.. I will never forget the times we shared during our high school and our tuition time!!! Im counting the day you come back and gonna give you a big hug when I see you again!!!! Waiting for you … gal… *cheers*

14. Lee Na (9.13am)~
i gonna give you a big hug once I meet you again. Knew you since the first day we born!!! (I guess so) .. in church sunday school hor? i think more than 28 years!!!!!!! my precious friend. so great that u never missed my birthday.. i love you, dear. u are my cherishable and forever friend for sure. Please always keep in touch with me… *hug*

15. Tze Ling (9.16am)~
yea.. thanks dear, thanks for your blessing, its really great to received your sms its mean a lot to me!!! *hugz*

16. Jane (9.55am)~
thanks for your blessing sms.. thanks for the birthday dinner, and the present that full of vitamin C!!! I believe my skin will getting better and healthy after finish the whole bucket of fruits and the grape juice!!!!!!! Hehe.. thanks for your patient and joined the party even that you may found weird or boring on that night!!! I really appreciate your efforts and looking forward to hang out more often with you!!!…. *cheers*

17. Nelson (10.16am)~
really surprised with your blessing sms!!! How could you do it??? Never ever thought that you remember my birthday!!! Even C Jack forgot it!!!! I gonna kill him when I meet him!!! Lol…. Appreciate appreciate and appreciate!!! Thank you for your kindness and helping hand whenever I have doubt in computer and mobile!!! You are one of the dai ko I treasured in my life!!! *hug*

18. Lynda (10.45am)~
thanks for your blessing sms, my dear. Thanks for your friendship and efforts of maintain it. Thanks for being a part of my life. I never forget that the precious moments we’d ever shared. Know that your are busy with your Prince Cayden recently and not dare to interrupt your time!!! But you and babe Cayden always in my mind.. love you!!! *hug*

19. Valerie (11.40am)~
thanks for your blessings, huggies wuggies for you!! Thanks for your kindness and patient, thanks for always cheer me up and be my companion when I was down!!! Please arrange time and we gotta meet!!!! You have missed out a lot of my story… im waiting to party/hunting with you after you totally recover!!! *cheers*

20. Derrick (1.46pm)~
you have really make a blast that night!!!! Until now I couldn’t believe that you came all the way from Singapore just to give me surprised!!!!! How lucky am I to know you as my friend? Thanks for your blessings, thanks for the surprised, thanks for your friendship, and thanks so much to make my 29th birthday wonderful!! You’d touched my heart with your sincerity!!!!! You've convinced me that im a lucky gal, you have proven me that im truely blessed!!! *hug*

21. Lavenne (1.46pm)~
wow.. so surprised to received your sms blessings. it's really out of my prediction, Its mean a lot for me!!!! *hug*

22. Uncle Simon (5.25pm)~
u never missed send me birthday blessings vide sms!!! I love you!!! Thanks for your caring and pampered!!! You always the best… cheers!!!

23. Michael (6.27pm)~
I couldn’t believe when I received your blessing sms!!!! How come you know that?? Thanks dude… gonna give you a big hug when I see you again ya…:P

24. CauMei (7.10pm)~
yea. I've been cheated by you for the 2nd time again!!!! How dare you cheat a birthday gal during her big day? and continuosly 2 years!!!! Hahaha!!! I wont believe you for my next 30th years birthday!!!! thanks for your sms, thanks for the birthday dinner, thanks for the earings and mickey mouse!!!! I love every single thing that you bought me!!!! I wish to let you know that, no matter what happen to you, im always here. i cherished you, you'd get my heart, my passionate, my trust and my loyalty friendship. You cant run away from me for sure!!! I gonna keep you as my jihmui until the end of my life!!!! *hug*

25. Nic (7.34pm)~
thanks for you blessings sms. Great to hear from you, take good care and be happy always *smile*

26. Patrick (7.47pm)~
its out of my prediction to get your blessing sms boy!! That’s why when i got your blessings, I really happy!!! thanks dude!!!!

27. Ray (7.52pm)~
wow wow wow…!!!! Never expect get any blessings from you!!! That’s why I was shocked when u told me that you are RAY!!!! Thanks dude!!!! Looking forward chill out with you when you in kk!!!! *cheers*

28. WanWan (10.25pm)~
thanks for remembered my birthday, thanks for your blessings!!! im surprised when I heard your voice!!! It's mean a lots to me!! Forget about all the misunderstanding and you are always my sweet lovely cousin!!! Call me yam cha whenever you free!!!

Besides the text message above,i also wish to special thanks to

~Edward~
thanks for your call darling!!! kinda sad this year my celebration without you. great to know you in my life and I bet you know that. I will never forget the time we shared during our HSBC period. Im always here for you whenever you need me!!! thank you for your efforts in our friendship. Never ever stop keep in touch with me, because I gonna keep you as my forever friend until the end my life!!! *promise*

~Camuel~
thanks for blessings, thanks for the sunflower, thanks for the birthday dinner and thanks for being my ‘driver’ all the times.. !!!! thanks for joined me for the birthday dinner and always took nice photos for me!!! thanks for brighten me when i was down, thanks for lent me you ears and listen to me when I need someone to talk . You are a good and understanding buddy for me and i got a sense that we can be forever friend!!!! *cheers*

~KaiZhen~sweetie, thanks for your blessings!!! Im so great to know that there is no gape between us even that im older than you more than 10 years!!! Hehehe… im proud to have a cousin like you, continue shine for God and all the best in your study!!! *hug*

~Kenny~
thanks for your blessings, thanks for the birthday dinner, thanks for the memorable homemade photo!!!! You’d touched my heart deeply!! This is the best present that I ever received!!!! Thanks for joined my birthday party after the dinner!!! This is the first time u danced with me and I really appreciate all your efforts!!!! *hug*

~Madeleine~
thousand of thanks for the birthday dinner arrangement (I know that the romantic restaurant was chosen by you)!!! Thanks for the sunflower (you know that I love it so much)!!! Thanks for the special surprised and the roses (you’d totally get my mind), thanks for your friendship, thanks for being my jihmui!!! Thanks for all the efforts that you have made with the purpose just to let me happy and make my 29th birthday remarkable with your presence!!!! !! You’d get my heart and win my loyalty friendship!!!! Now the big announce for you!!!! I love you Madeleine…. I gonna love you forever!!! *hugz* Appreciate with every single thing you have done and im sure you are the angel sent by God for me!!!!!! Promise me you will be my jihmui forever and forgive me if I have down anything that hurt your feelings!!!! Because I can’t take the risk of losing you as my jihmui!!!!!! *hug*

~Soffian~
thanks for the birthday dinner, thanks for the sun flower, and of course thanks for the entire photo shooting!!! im lucky to know you as my friend, I treasured you and for sure gonna keep you as my forever friend. you are always my Angel Soffian!!! wish you all the best in every single thing!!!*hug*

~LuWei~
im so great that you joined my birthday party!!!! thanks for your blessings and thanks for your efforts to our friendship, thanks for being a part of a life and pls continue keep in touch with me!!! i cherished you so much and wish our friendship forever!!!!

~Cosheen~
sweetie, never expect that you join the birthday dinner!!!! Im great to see you on!!! Its really means a lot to me!!! Thanks for your blessing, thanks for the lovely sun flower, and thousand of thanks for join the birthday party after dinner!!!! Im really enjoyed with your presence… thanks gal… let’s do hunting together next time!! Lol!!!! *cheers*

~Phei Ling~
thanks for everything, thanks for being my JihMui, thanks for being a part of my life, i cherished our friendship, and i'm sure that we gotta be forever friend till the end of our life. i love you.

~Jacky~
dude, thanks for remember my birthday!!! Thanks for your blessings. Im happy to see you during my birthday dinner!!!! Thanks for your kindness and thanks for always there for me!!! The luckiest thing I worked in Marco is get to know you!!! Thanks for still keep in touch with me even we are not work together now.. I appreciate your friendship and thank you for treated me so nice!!! I know that you are a friend for life!!! *grinn*

~Yiing Yiing ~
yeah... thanks for remember my birthday. thanks for joined my birthday night!!! Im really great to see you and looking forward to chill out with you again. *hug*

~Jita~
dude, thanks for your calling even that you are being reminded by ‘someone’, thanks for your blessing and the sun flower too!!!… its great to hear from you. *smile*

~Elaiza~
thought of you forgot my birthday.. luckily u still remember. lol. thanks dear.. your sms means a lot to me!! We used to be so closed last time but we are getting apart each day due to we have our own programme, I will never forget our precious moments and I miss our old days so much!!! Thanks for being a part of my life, thanks for your blessings and thanks for all the memories we’d shared. *hug*

~Ling~
even that you're not here, but there is not much different my sweetie, because you are always in my mind!!!! *hug* i'm waiting for you to come back!!! i gotta give you a big hug and I really miss the companion by you, I miss our late night talk, I miss every single moments we’d shared!!! Love you sweetie~

~Suzanne ~
thanks for your blessings. i really touching as you still remember my birthday, thanks for your efforts of maintain friendship with me even that we no more working together!!! please do take care and keep in touch with me always.

~Victoria~
hmhmmm... thought you forgot my birthday!!!... feel great that received your call early in the morning for the my birthday blessing!!! thanks gal. *hug* thanks for your blessings, and your efforts to maintain our friendship. thanks for those memories we had shared together when my time in hsbc. i cherished you, my friend. Please keep in touch always!!!! *cheers*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

besides the name list above, i sincerely give thanks to those who ever leave text messages in my Friendster and Facebook and not forget to thank you to my all online buddies, and thanks for everyone of you who ever greet me on/after my birthday. you guys are wonderful!!! i love y'all~ *cheers*.

Surprised me with a dozen of roses~

Jayson surprised me with a dozen of roses during my birthday night!!! Thanks Jayson for the surprised!! strawberries hugs for you!!

Even that im not much passionate on roses, but still, im happy when i received it!!! The wonderful surprised not comes from the roses.. but just the way Jayson came to me all in sudden and handed me the roses!! Just the way i like... in a romantic way!!! .... just the way like happens in the korean movie!!! Oh Gosh!!!.... its really touched my heart and i know that my heart gonna melt anytime!! lol.

thousand of thanks to my sweetie - Madeleine. i know she is the one who arranged everything!! love you chick, apreciated all efforts you've made!! Huggies Wuggies for you !!!!

Brighten me with Sunflowers~

SUNFLOWERS ~ THE FLOWER I LOVE THE MOST

The sunny face of a sunflower always makes me smile

I think it must be almost impossible to not feel happy when you see sunflowers ...

Sunflowers have a special meaning for all of us in hard time.

I think that God made them as a special encouragement.

I think this is probably one of the main reason I love sunflowers!!

THANKS FOR THE SUNFLOWERS THAT I RECEIVED DURING MY BIRTHDAY!!

Y'ALL DEFINITELY BRIGTHEN ME WITH SUNFLOWERS!!

My 29th Appreciate Mummy for giving me birth day!!

My birthday this year was truly an unforgetable one. On the eve of my birthday, i reminisced on last year birthday, so many things can change in 1 year. no matter what i'm still thankful for this year.i wanted this year to be something different. no more tears for this year!!!

So on the whole, i had a memorable 29th birthday. i laughed a lot yesterday and i wanna thank everyone that made my day a special one. May y'all be blessed in all the things that you do!

nothing and just blah~

if u look at the sky everyday, you see a different painting. that's how God is. Miraculous.

some days are just plain grey, some plain blue, some days are cloudier than other days,

some days...when the sun says good bye to us and hello to the other side of the earth...

im so sick now.. i wish i could have a good rest!!! have a nice dream everyone~

Bukan Untuk Dimengerti~

Heard this song from one of my malay friend.
i really like it. Share with y'all~

Bukan untuk Dimengerti by JudikaCukup

kesalahan telah kau buat kepadaku
Cukup luka hati telah terjadi karenamu

Chorus:
Selalu saja kukembali kepadamu
Selalu saja aku bertahan disisimu
Demi cinta takkan kutinggalkan dirimu
Karena cinta tak mudah untuk dimengerti
Dan mungkin memang tak perlu dimengerti
Kau masih ulangi salah yang sama kekasihku
Berkali-kali engkau sakiti hati ini

Chorus
Selalu saja, selalu saja
Aku bertahan disisimu
Demi cinta takkan kutinggalkan dirimu
Karena cinta
Aku bertahan disisimu
Demi cinta takkan kutinggalkan dirimu
Karena cinta tak mudah untuk dimengerti
Tak mungkin untuk kumengerti
Dan mungkin memang tak perlu dimengerti

MISUNDERSTANDING~

MISUNDERSTANDING....just one simple word...yet it can tear u apart and break your heart into the smallest tiniest pieces, it can cause wars,and it can break down a friendship that seems to be well and sweet......

How i wish words can explain how i feel.. how i wish i can put everything into words, but there are just some things that is meant to be kept in the heart.

I know myself need more time to overcome it. Again.. forgive and forget is the main things that i need to learn. continue pray for me readers!!

.

Suck it up and deal

Caring too much=major disappointment.

So for all you kiddies out there, I suggest you don't care about people that much. Because it hurts like a bitch when they don't care about you, or at least don't put an effort to show you that they care.

I'll just accept it and deal. Suck it up and deal.

Pray for me, people!!!

Why it hurts so much? I was furious.
Not with him but with myself.
Am i addicted to the pain?
I couldn't sleep becasue of exquisite pain.
This is probably the year that im closest to death.

Pray or me, people!!!
Im needing a lot of strength now.
Quite near the verge of breaking down.
But im still holding tight on HIM.
I know i need prayers and more prayers!!!

friend or best friend??

Dear you,

I couldn't get into sleep at this hour.
Read back the message that you text me.
I still can feel the pain in my heart.
Which i know that i need more time to overcome it.

Some people said :"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."

Could you please tell me now~
friend or best friend?
perhaps......
perhaps......
perhaps......
we are just friend!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the plus side, I got to talk to ET this evening. I felt bad because he was trying so hard to cheer me up but nothing really worked. There were a few times when he got me to smile... and that felt great. It's comforting really, he has gotten me into a slightly better mood. Appreciated with his efforts, he deserve a hug from me.

i'll be fine ~

I hate all of these feelings I have.
I want the majority of them to go away.
Oh well, I'll be fine.

Readers.. tell me~
lucky - grateful - happy - dull - sad - meaningless - give up
Is this the process?????

I'm tired of a lot of thinngs,
Leave me alone~
I guess... i think... I'll be fine.

Pretty Chicks ~

I'm so happy to meet her back!

Look good?

AM I LOOK GOOD WITH LONG HAIR? Give me some feedback readers? :)

All of sudden... I wish to hav LONG CURLY HAIR!!!!!

远远- <林宇中>

遠遠 - 林宇中

或許我不再出現 愛才值得你懷念
你也不想見 見了也不變 你痛苦轉身的局面
或許我放的堅決 才允許讓淚浮現 是苦還是甜
想起我的臉 希望不是眼淚的咸
我只好離你遠遠 卻已傷害你偏偏
我不配 你的美 竟把你愛得狼狽
可是我離你越遠 你越近靠在我眼前
已不見 你幸福 愛我的臉
或許我放的堅決 你才允許讓淚浮現
是苦還是甜 想起我的臉 希望不是眼淚的咸
我只好離你遠遠 卻已傷害你偏偏
我不配 你的美 竟把你愛得狼狽
可是我離你越遠 你越近靠在我眼前
已不見 你幸福 愛我的臉
還欠你太多誓言我已沒資格實踐
為我緊緊貼著你的從前 而現在的我
只好離你遠遠 卻已傷害你偏偏
我不配 你的美 竟把你愛得狼狽
可是我離你越遠 你越近靠在我眼前
已不見 你幸福 愛我的臉
在遠遠 你幸福 我會看見
Over...

抱歉 ~ 陈势安

陈势安_抱歉

我尽量不去怀念
反正都遥远
多美的画面
都是昨天
其实最好别碰面
问候都避免

朋友的界线太难拿捏
我不懂如何敷衍
假装已事过境迁
这角色该怎么去演

非常抱歉
并不想知道
妳生活的细节
我的感觉
永远不会成为
妳的感觉

非常抱歉
离开妳我打算
更彻底一些
需要时间
慢慢复原
练习如何去遮掩
对妳的感觉

迷失●回归●痊愈

喜欢一个自己不能去喜欢的人,是一种即无奈又心痛的感受.

每一次看到他,每一次惊觉自己的情感总是不受控制,

无法克制的往他身上倾注的时候,都要忍住渴望与心痛,

不断的提醒自己他不是自己可以喜欢的人.

当察觉自己有着这样矛盾挣扎的心情时候,

我真的讨厌自己!真的讨厌这样不熟悉的我!

迷失自己的感觉太可怕了!

逃避如果是最好的方法,

那么所有认识我的朋友,

就让我活在自己的世界吧!

我会在自己的世界痊愈的....

Dream never comes true~

I ever dreamed of our fragile friendship can be more stronger one day, i ever dreamed of our friendship can be last forever, i ever dreamed that our kids will be good friends in the future, i ever dreamed that we still go gathering even that we have our own family next time. But dream always just a dream. It will never comes true....

SunFlower

Wow.. This is my favorite flowers! Lol:)

Tired of maintain a friendship

Friendship are just easy to start but hard to maintain. Or may be to say it's tired to maintain. Good friendship are built on mutual respect, an appreciation for spending time together and enjoying common interest. One of my friend wrote a displayed message at his msn. Needless to say, that piqued my curiosity and i called up asked a lot of questions. He answered me that i was think too much and it's actually nothing and just simply wrote something to see my re-action. He is my buddy, my closed friend. I simply want him to share with me the narrative of his life. But his answer just like such a purposeful cut to my heart. Now i really don care what happen to him anymore. I dont want to work up a dossier on him! He never appreciate on my friendship and i really found tired to patient and take care of his feeling anymore. All this time, i've tried my best to done my part as a buddy, as a closed friend! Finally... I gave up and i'm now announce that all concerns end right here!

有些时候眼泪知道

很多时候,过去是无从想念的.遗失了发黄的照片,遗失了曾经保存很久的东西,遗失了枯萎的记忆.伸出手,抓不到任何东西. 　　也许,总有些东西会留在生命最深处,深深浅浅的痕迹,当心轻轻拂过,已不会感到疼痛,只有一份麻木.快乐与忧伤,一切都已成为过去,依然能感受到的那份真实与感动,虚伪与悲伤. 　　记得有人说过:当你的眼泪忍不住要流出来的时候,睁大眼睛,千万别眨眼,你会看到世界由清晰到模糊的全过程.心,在眼泪落下的那一刻变得清澈明晰! 　　爱久了,成了一种习惯.痛久了,成了一道刻痕.恨久了,成了一种负担.没有了激情的爱情,从火热走向平淡,或许就是我们一直在追寻的一种永恒.虽然,我们都不知道,这份平淡还是不是会那么让人心动.只是等待,无论时间是否冲淡了一切,心,却在它原来的位置,以固执的方式,速度执著地跳着… 　　一个人在你的一生中,遇见一个懂得用心爱你或是遇见一个值得你用心去爱的人,是幸福的.拥有的往往不是最好,因而也不会懂得珍惜,也许,这个时候,等待比拥有更好! 　　爱情,只是一瞬间的感觉.爱情不是奇遇,只是,当我们在奇遇中有了爱情,却早已注定了分离.适合走到最后的人,从一开始就是为了彼此而生的. 　　世上倘若有两个人注定要彼此相爱,那么在他们相遇之前,他和她的每一步都会朝着对方走去,不偏不倚,不管是多么的不可能.我相信这一点,相信冥冥中注定的相遇和分离.有心的人,再远也会记挂对方.无心的人,近在咫尺却远在天涯.如果你的爱情停留在曾经,它只属于那个时间.如果你的爱情停留在生命里,它就会成为永恒,甚至超越永远！ 　　或许,我们都想永远地忘记一些东西,比如伤痕,我们想永远地忘记一些东西,比如心动.安妮宝贝曾说过：有些事情是可以遗忘的,有些事情是可以纪念的,有些事情是可以甘心情愿的,有些事情却一直无能为力. 　　 你会忘记一切,眼泪不会.也许,很久我们都不会哭了,无论受伤或者心疼,就那么冷眼地看着,或者在嘻笑打闹中隐没了.始终,眼泪伴随着时间,不会融化.原本以为一切终成为一张风干的标本……只是,眼泪知道! 　　牙痛了,才知道吃得太多；脚伤了,才看见满路荆棘；眼坏了,才了解沉默太久；心凉了,才发现爱情生病的理由. 　　　　　　

原來不快樂不能假裝; 　　
原來过去也只能原諒; 　　　
原來想念是不能隱瞞; 　　　　
原來悲傷只能自己擔; 　　　　　
原來轉眼和永遠一樣; 　　　　　　
原來沉默不等於遺忘.!

有一种情感 得拿心去感受

人活这一辈子，总会碰到几个特别的人，这类人可能只是你纯粹的精神寄托，但他不能被单纯的划归为朋友，因为他对你倾注的关爱超出了一般朋友的界限和理念，可你和他又不曾有过将之升华为爱人的那种，你们之间或者常常淡如水。所以，这一类人，应该是介于情人与朋友之间的。那，你和他之间的那种情感，那种超乎于寻常的友情、又不能简单的归类到爱情的情感，也只能是介于友情与爱情之间，也许你将它凌驾于友情与爱情之上。 他，可能曾经因你悲伤难过轻拍过你的背，可能因你怕黑牵过你的手，可能因你迷茫哭泣拥你入怀安抚，却，仅止于此。他的心时刻对你敞开，他的肩膀时刻准备让你依靠，你却只将他的容颜刻在了心房上。你静静的想他，默默地念他。在你快乐的想唱歌欢跳时，你会在第一时间告诉他，因为你希望他在你的身边一起分享你的快乐和无忧，一同拥抱幸福。当你忧愁烦恼的时候，你同样会想起他，你依然希望他能陪在你身边，给你个坚实的臂弯让你靠。尽管你不需要他的任何语言任何安慰，只要倚在他的身边，你就会心静如水，熬过所有锥心疼痛。可事实上，你却不曾向他诉说过，你怕属于自己的那份忧伤妨碍他平静的生活，你不想让他同你一起承担痛苦，你只是热切的希望他的世界里只有阳光沐浴。你或许会因为一首怀旧的老歌、一幕恋人的牵手想起他，想起他的宽容，想起他的宠爱。你或许会因为一道似曾相识的风景、一种触动心灵的相似的容颜想起他，想起他的真诚，想起他的执着。你更会因为午夜的星空、遥远的月亮想起他，想起他曾经带给你的欢乐，想起他带给你的无眠的美好……此时，你的心里总是暖暖的，有三分美好，有三分感动，有三分憧憬，更有一分执着。你会执着于与他的情与他的缘。他的叮咛，他的嘱咐，让你含着泪水说：你好罗嗦好烦人哦。心里却酸酸的，你不求拥有，只盼能痴痴的守侯。你想绑住他在身旁，却怕妨碍他在蓝天白云间翱翔的自由，那些世俗的传统的道德理念，因他而瓦解，即使成为世人眼中的叛离者。而你只是在心底深处为这个人留了一个小小的空间，静静地固守着那份说不清的情感。即使陪伴寂寞，你亦不会后悔！ 生命有时是无奈的，生活有时又是残酷的。当你觉得生命象一潭死水，寂静的没有一圈涟漪泛起时，你会心慌；当你觉得生活如一棵枯树，风干的寻不到一点生命的迹象时，你会心悸，你怕被生命遗忘，你怕被生活吞噬，但是，因为有了他的存在，你的生命多了条雨后的彩虹，你的生活有了满目的苍翠。也许，终其一生你们也不会产生经典的“执子之手，与子偕老”的爱情故事，但是，你会因为拥有了这样一个朋友，更加的热爱自己的生活，珍惜自己的生命。其实，你和他注定是两条没有交集的线段、夜空中闪烁的两颗永不相撞的星，不会酝酿出爱情果实，而且，你觉得似乎谈起爱情就亵渎了你们之间这份感情，这只能是一种超乎自然的、凌驾于爱情和友情之上的纯纯的另类情感。因为拥有了这种超然的情感，你变得更加的懂得坚强的生活，含笑走过那平淡的生命。即使没有一起慢慢变老，你依然心醉，为你拥有了那些无尽的回想与幻想，回想从前，幻想未来…… 你会很高兴，曾经拥有过那样一位朋友，曾经拥有过那样一份感情，纯净而又淡然，真挚而又绵长。你想他念他，或许你们的相识相知只是瞬间，可要彻底地忘记他却将花费你的一生，甚至终其一生他都会盘踞在你的内心深处，但是，你却很感激命运，感谢上苍给了你这样一个人，一个让你在这个世界上不在孤单，不在寂寞的人，即使是痛苦，也甜过麻木和苍白……虽然，他不会永远的陪伴在你的身边，虽然，你不曾要求他为你做些什么，你却希望他会过很很好，过的幸福安康，因为你知道他也希望你过的很好，他也希望你能好好照顾自己，哪怕万水千山。如果再见面时，他希望你能告诉他你很幸福！ 在这复杂的社会当中，在这无奈的人生当中，有这样一个人，当你不慎跌倒时，只要一抬头就可以看到关爱，当你走得疲倦时，只要一转身就可以找到依靠；有这样一种情感，当你受伤时会及时给予你宽慰，当你绝望时会及时拯救你的灵魂，你还奢求什么？这样一个人、这样一种情感，让你飘荡的心变得柔软脆弱，让饱受折磨的心拥有了温润的一隅，更让你独享着一生眷恋和牵伴、一世宽容和给予，拥有着今生的思念与回忆、来生的执着与寄托！有一种情感，只能拿心去感受；有一种情感，只能用心去储藏。有一种情感只能深藏在心底，时间越长越能感觉到它的美丽。

Qbar friday night ~

Share with y'all the place that i love to chilled-out recently~
They are my coolest friends in Malaysia~

为什么?

一直都在问自己为什么...　

很多事情,明知道是错的,

为什么还要坚持?

是因为不甘心吗?

有时候,我们明明是爱一个人,

为什么仍然要放弃?

是因为没有结果吗?

有时候,我们明知道没路了,

为什么却偏偏还在前行?

我想我终于知道了!

因为是习惯了! :-(

Wil you keep promise?

Sean has promised me that no party at Qbar anymore. Sean! Don make empty promise ya! This is the evidence! Lol.

Someone i treasured~

Met Alfred last 2 weeks at Sheneningan's pub. Alfred, a friend which helped me a lot during my sadness period at Miri.. All of sudden, i miss you guys!

My Mirian friends, i miss Cheery-Berry pub, Balcony pub, Island bar. I miss the old days tat v are together, thank you for brighten me, thank you for left a footprint in my life and thank you for the friendship. You guys deserve a hug from me. Cheers!

feel so sick!!!

Oh gosh.

I feel so sick.

Maybe it's time to see a doctor.

Because:

Fever

Headache

Energyless

Oh man,

I hate to see doctor.

But I don't wanna die. :(

At last,

I get medicine from doctor,

Because I really don't want to die!!!!

Dilemma

I have a dilemma. i can't even express the sadness, i really don't even know how to word it or where to begin. of course i'm not going to completely relieve myself of my feelings on blogger- i really don't want the world to know. but so much of me wishes that i could share with you guys.....

If God cares me, please bring me out of this dilemma!



.

where are you?

uploaded a nice song sang by Natalie.
this song makes my soul jump!!!

wowwww....
where are you?
so romantic!!!

this is the cutest song ever...

where is the man of my dream?
who's gonna complete my world?

~ Falling For You ~

Song Name: FALLING FOR YOU Singer: Aaron Kwok

Click here to listen : http://www.5ting.com/music/ting/24379.htm


you are the sun， the moon
i am the starlight searching for you
how can i ever explain
the color that you bring into my life, its you...

falling for you... hoo hooo
falling for you... hoo hooo
im falling for you...
with all of my heart
i know its true right from the start
i am falling for you
in all of my dreams
this love will grow deep within
i cant help myself just to tell you
falling for you...

Mesilau Trip

Pictures taken by Camuel at Mesilao, Kundasang Ranau

I was browsing through my pictures saved in my laptop, and i couldn't help but to blog about this ~ I just wanna said that friendship isn't that easy, to maintain a friendship wasn't a piece of cake.  sleep overs, gaming, eating together, beer time together.. those were the old good days... and pictures proven that we been our friendship~

secret in the dark!!

I really want you.
I really want to be with you.

But I can't.
But we can't.

Will it always be this way?
Do I dare say I love you?

who would you choose?

A friend of mine asked me today: "Who would you rather choose? The guy you love or the guy who loves you?"

I thought it was a good question, so i thought i'd answer it myself.

My friend said that you should pick the guy you love. Well... it makes sense.
After all, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." And of course.. it's true.

But.... my answer is different. While my initial answer was also "the guy i love," I changed my mind.... I would pick neither.

Why?

Firstly, I could never pick a guy who loved me but i didn't love back. I'd hate him and I'd hate myself for agreeing to be with him.. I know this because i've been in a situation like this. I felt like the world was crashing down upon me. So, that's out of the question.

Secondly . . . why wouldn't i pick the guy I love?

Because i know what it feels like to like someone who doesn't like you back. Or, in my case, someone who I thought liked me back but ended up with someone else. :(

I believe in the whole, "If you love someone, you'll set them free" I know myself well enough.

If I like someone who doesn't like me back, I don't persist. I'll definitely set him free. Let him do what he wants to do. I'll hide the feelings, put them deep inside my heart until they're so deeply buried I can hardly find them again...

It's better that way.

So, once again, what is my answer? NEITHER. I'm sure i would pick neither.

random post~

There're so many things to say, and i don't even know in which order i should say it. Some are pleasant, and some aren't so pleasant. I'll do the bad news first i guess, so that i can at least end at a happy note.

Here we go~
Two of my colleagues are having a quarrel, and that just makes me feel bad. I wish i could do something about it, but then, i'm not in a position to do anything. But what i can do is offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Advice is something i don't dispense though for obvious and practical reasons, and i try to keep my opinions inside as well because this is something the two parties involved should handle themselves.

Alright, on to the happy things. Lately, my buddies and i have been having a blast! We've been eating out in random places like KFC.... wow... the place is wonderful!! We've just been hanging out and generally having a good time. I'm really learning to ♥ my buddies!

Oh, here is another bit of happy news . . . I read the newspaper today and came across a book called The Revenge Encyclopedia, which gives tips on how to get back at your enemies. It is, just looking at the title, a rather slapstick book, but very intelligently done!! However, just as it was written with intelligence, it must also be read with intelligence.

Well.. that's all for today ~ good night readers~ *hugz*

growing up or growing old?

I feel that perhaps i am growing more and more introverted. I have a party to go to later because it's a friend's birthday, and I both feel like going and don't feel like going. *sigh*

I may be growing more and more paradoxical as I grow older.

Jessie's Girl~

Right now, I am totally brainwashed by the song Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield.


So, the real lines of the song go like this:

Jessie is a friend, yeah,
I know he's been a good friend of mine
But lately something's changed;
that ain't hard to define
Jessie's got himself a girl
and I want to make her mine

And she's watching him with those eyes
And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it
Yeah and he's holding her in his arms late, late at night

You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl,
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
Where can I find a woman like that?

This farce is dedicated to the man who I currently pine for.... God help me.
"I wanna tell him that I like him but the point is probably moot."


.

I will Survive!!

I actually feel good right now!
I am done with him!
I started with not calling him,
and now he's been online and I did not start a conversation!
He said hi and all I said was Hello.

But then I was looking around on youtube and found a video, of a song I knew a long time ago. But right now it has a lot of meaning, and I should to send the link to him (which for sure i wont do that!)

I will Survive! I FEEL GREAT RIGHT NOW!

Song Title: I WILL SURVIVE!

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself

I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me


http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xv6lHwWwO3w&feature=related

goodbye is the only way??

I hide my problems behind a smile...

I feel broken and don't know if I can be repaired...

Everything back to the square again...

Goodbye is the only way??

Feeling empty again ~

I'm feeling that emptiness and yearning again. My chest is heavy and I feel like a have a knot in my stomach. I didn't have any caffeine today either. I still can't pin point why I'm feeling like this. I guess a part of me is bored with life. I just feel like there is nothing for me to do in life. I'm just not excited about life or about the future anymore.

Right now, at this very moment, life has no meaning. I used to express my feelings and thoughts through words, but for about a year I have lost all inspiration. I just don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

Everything comes to an END!!

Everything comes to An End!!

God!! Please give me strength to move on!!

Something is missing!!

I feel like there is something missing in my life. I have this deep yearning in my heart.

I can literally feel it. It feels like a knot deep in my stomach, my chest feels heavy and every time I try to think about what I'm feeling, I get light-headed and a bit confused.

Although, part of that feeling could be because I just had a couple cups of coffee. Caffeine always makes me feel a bit light-headed: which is why I love it.

Oh well. I'm sure the feeling will come back. Hopefully, in a time when I'm not loaded with caffeine... although, I'm rarely seen without some sort of caffeine, either coffee or tea.

Life is becoming dull again~

I'm so bored! Seems like there is nothing to do - nothing to do where I live anyway. e of people on this website who live close to me. something that doesn't really interest me right now.

My life has been reduced to sitting at home watching tvb series, reading, or browsing the internet. Granted, that's probably all my fault, but... I just hate the people I know. There is someone, though, who I admire and look up to. I wish we could hang out, but he's an ocean away. We have lots in common and he's so easy to talk to. Plus, he's a genius and it feels like he's the only way I can really have intelligent, deep conversations with. Sometimes it feels like just being at home watching tvb series or reading is easier.

I wish I could trade lives with someone just once to see what it's like to do something different. Like trade lives with someone from Europe. I'm sure their lifestyle is completely different from mine. Shit!!!... I'm just so bored.

keep on and keeping on~

That's all i'm doing lately... Keep on and keeping on... i'm trying to get through each day and make it look like i'm doing okay.

You can keep on going no matter what, and if you're numb to everything it's harder to get hurt... If you have low expectations you can't be let down... I used to care about stuff .... a lot...... and my emotions were often intensely painful... Life has taught me to just stop caring, in order to survive... Dunno if that's a good thing or a bad thing... I tell myself that being alive and getting stuff accomplished each day is better than not... So I guess that's good?

The Sweetest Thing~

So, I didn't do anything today except work out at fitness club and watched out a movie qith Jack. Oh well, that's what Sundays are for.

I watched a movie just now with Jack. The Sweetest Thing. Hahaha, it made me laugh because girls actually act like that. Laughing is so much fun. Although, it's kind of weird when you laugh and no much peoples in the room. lol..

That's all for now!
Byeee and goodnight everyone~

YaY!!! No more tears for now!!

So, I bawled my eyes out for a good hour and a half about somethings. I wish I could turn crying into something more productive. lol .. Oh well, I suppose cryings better than doing other things? Who knows.

Anyway, you notice that after you cry near your lower eyelid it gets really soft? It feels cool. Haha. Next time any of you cry, see what I'm talkin about. Although, I hope none of you cry because it absolutely blows.

Anyhow, tomorrow should be a good day. I actually believe I'm going to be happy now. At least, I hope so. If I don't think about things, then I should be good.

Do u realize?

Sometimes, we get so busy with our lives.... and day after day, all the things that we experienced is like a circle.... No ending!~ Now, u might be watching tv, and the next moment u realize, you are going to work tomorrow...! I wonder whether we can actually stop the time for even one second..! i know we cant : (

When is the last time u actually gaze at the sky and look at the stars? When is the last time you smell the scent of a beautiful flower? When is the last time u actually take a deep breath? For me.... there are many things in life that we won't appreciate until the moment we lost it..!~

During a black-out, i think that is the only time we realize that we are blessed with electricity or even clean running water....

I reaLLy love this song....!!~ "there is none like you, no one else can touch my heart like you do, I could search for all eternity long and find....... there is none like you.... " This is so touching and real.

it's time to quick the negativity

Well, the majority of my entries have been negative.
I guess it's because I'm in such a bitchy mood.
So I'm sorry.

Tomorrow's a new day,
and hopefully it will be better than today.
I just can't help being so sick of people...
All I want to do is cry and I don't really know why...
But tomorrow has to be better...

i miss seaside~

I'm kind of down. I guess i've been kinda down lately. I hate overthinking things and becoming paranoid, but it's so hard. I mean, in the perfect world I'd tell myself to stop, and I actually would. It's a bad habits.

I really hope i'm just being paranoid, and I hope what i'm thinking isn't correct. I'd feel so broken. What can I do?

Anyway, I really miss Seaside. When I'm there i don't need to worry about any single things. It's so fresh and wonderful, some people might think it's sleezy, but i absolutely adore it.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better than today.

crash into me... real hard!!

So, the past two weeks i've been feeling like complete shit.
I have really bad cramps that make me lay down and cry.
It absolutely blows. I cannot wait until others figure out what's wrong with me completely.

Social .... but lonely~

I did my best to be social tonight. I decided I didn't need to sit at my home, I could afford a little break.

I hung out with some friends I don't normally hang with. I'm left sitting here missing my old friends... the ones who i treasure the most. I miss him and it's really weird. It's like even in the company of other peoples, I feel more alone than when I'm by myself.

I think there's something wrong with that, that's not how it's supposed to be. I know I can make it through it... hopefully I'll start feeling like my regular self again when I'm around people I'm comfortable with again.

I hate bad mood!!

I've been in a bad mood for a week. No real reason for it as far as I can tell. I think just a lot of little things, and especially my frustration over one of my buddy.

On the plus side, I got to talk to NC tonight. I felt bad because he was trying so hard to cheer me up but nothing really worked. There were a few times when he got me to smile... and that felt great. It's comforting really, he has gotten me into a slightly better mood.

Today totally blew~

I cried too much today.
I cried too much everyday.

Oh well, life goes on.
I'll just accept it and deal. Suck it up and deal.
I seriously don't know what I'd do without the two lovely ladies who actually care about what's going on with me. Evelyn and Valerie. You listen to me complain about stupid things, even though, they aren't that stupid. Anyway, thank you much sweeties!!

Hmm. Caring too much=major disappointment.
So for all you kiddies out there, I suggest you don't care about people that much. Because it hurts like a bitch when they don't care about you, or at least don't put an effort to show you that they care.

great friday night

Last night was wonderful. I had a great time and was able to lose myself in the moment enough to forget about everything else for a while.

Just got off a 3 hour and 40 minute phone call. We haven't hung out alone, Only have interacted on a professional level. So great.

Breaking me and rebuild me~

I’ve had it.
I’ve had it with treating everyone like they’re VIPs.

What’s the point man? I was there all along,
And I was always there when you needed me,
Or even when you didn’t need me,
Even if I had my own issues to deal with..

But,
When I needed you, and you weren’t there.
Its not so much that you weren’t there.
But more that you didn’t care enough to be there.
And how I wish I could say I don’t mind at all.

If hearts were able to break into million pieces,
Mine would break into ten million this instant.
Pray for me, people..
Im needing a lot of strength now,
Quite near the verge of breaking down,
But im holding on tight to HIM.
I know that he is breaking me and rebuild me,
A better version of me for HIM.

And I know..
I need prayer and more prayers…


I

What a friend is supposed to do?

I want someone who will love me for who I am,
who will lend me his/her shoulder to cry on when im down,
to support me to all ends in achieving my dreams,
and go to all ends to stop me when im killing myself,
and bring me back to my path when I am astray.

I want someone that I can depend and trust on,
someone who never turn away from me even if the whole world does,
someone who will listen to the truckloads of things I wanna say,
someone to help me along the way when I am weak,
and celebrate with me when I am strong and happy.

Someone to give me a slap on the face when I need one,
and make sure that I recover from it properly,
someone that I will, cherish and treasure and keep for the rest of my life.”

Doesn’t it all sound like what a friend is supposed to do?

I'm confused??

Well, this seriously is confusing me.
This thing changed overnight?
I swear, it's crap.
I don't like it, and I don't know how to get my friends back. Blahhhh.

Wayyy too much confusion!
It's not a good thing!

Im BACK!!!

I'm back!
my blog have been dead for months -_-
since im nothing to do,
then try to drop few words here.